We finish the week with
Slowbro – the
derpy Pokémon. This is one
of those occasions on which I suspect that the card
designers are have a bit of a
joke at our expense.
Not that there is anything very
amusing about Slowbro’s
basic Stats. It’s a Stage 1 Water Type with 100 HP, a
bad Weakness to Lightning, and a Retreat cost of three.
Nothing outstanding or interesting
there. Even the attack, Lazy
Headbutt is only a mediocre effort. One Water and
one Colourless Energy for 80 damage seems quite good
value, except it comes with the drawback that
Slowbro is now
Asleep after using it. So,
even if it isn’t KO’d on your opponent’s turn, you need
to hit heads between turns so it can wake up and attack
So, a mediocre
attack then. I was expecting better.
Much, much better.
The reason for this is
Slowbro’s Ability, Airhead.
This states that if you have 2, 4, or 6 Prize cards
left, Slowbro cannot attack.
I hardly know what to say about this Ability: it seems
so random, and so detrimental to
Slowbro, that when I read it I feel like I have
just been trolled by a Japanese card designer. I could
maybe understand it if Lazy
headbutt was a brilliant attack that needed to be
balanced out somewhere but . . . it isn’t.
Honestly, I’m lost for words. Do
you really need me to tell you never to play this?
Modified: 1 (trolololololol
– the joke’s on us)
Limited: 1.5 (Don’t think I would
want it here either)
Happy Friday, Pojo readers! Today we're taking a
break from reviewing Fire-types to review a new
Water-type from Dark Explorers, which also happens to be
one of the strangest cards to have come out in a long
time. Today's Card of the Day is Slowbro.
Slowbro is a Stage 1 Water Pokemon. Water-types don't
see much play in Modified primarily due to the LIghtning
type being commonplace, as well as a lack of a strong,
efficient attacker for the type. As you'll soon see,
Slowbro is no exception to this rule. 100 HP is quite
nice for a finally-evolved Stage 1, allowing Slowbro to
take hits like an unboosted Night Spear or Land Crush
and be able to live to tell the tale. Lightning Weakness
is very problematic against Zekrom and friends; no
Resistance is a normal annoyance; and a huge Retreat
Cost of 3 isn't wholly unexpected, but is still very
large, so you'll want to switch Slowbro using other
Slowbro has an Ability and a single attack. Airhead
prevents Slowbro from attacking when you have 2, 4, or 6
prizes remaining, which is an absolutely useless ability
with no upside at all. Really, that's it. This Ability
has no positive qualities, unless you really want to
mess with your opponent, or simply play around. However,
in terms of actual, serious gameplay, Airhead is
Slowbro's only attack is Lazy Headbutt, which deals a
well-costed 80 damage for a Water and a Colorless, with
the side effect of putting Slowbro to sleep. Therefore,
when you are actually able to attack with Slowbro with
1, 3, or 5 Prizes, you'll also be putting yourself to
Sleep, potentially hindering yourself from attacking
further. Sure, you can switch out or use something to
heal the Status Condition, but why bother when there are
so many better options? 80 damage for two Energy is
really good, though, so Slowbro may have limited use in
Modified: 1/5 Slowbro has high HP, and no other
redeeming qualities. 80 damage for two Energy is great,
but the drawbacks are tremendous and there are generally
better options for dealing high damage for a low cost. I
would rate this card even lower if I could, but I will
end with this: at least TPC didn't make it a rare!
Limited: 1/5 Slowbro is still not very good here, as it
can't attack most of the time. This does remind me of an
amusing story that happened at a local prerelease I
judged, where one of our players didn't care about
competing and played a deck with only 3 Slowpoke, a
Slowbro, and 36 Water Energy. Given that Limited matches
start with 4 Prizes, he couldn't attack once he got
Slowbro out. He managed to get the Slowbro out every
game, and then preceded to actually go 1-4 (one of his
opponents actually was doing something similar, but
managed to deck himself out). While 80 damage is still
great in this format, the other drawbacks aren't even
close to worth it. Use something else, unless you're
Mad Mattezhion Professor Bathurst League Australia
Slowbro (Dark Explorers)
Today we get to review one of the least popular Poke'mon
around, the slow and monumentally stupid Slowbro. The
TCG has been a bit kinder to his older brother Slowking,
but I've yet to see even a marginally playable Slowbro.
Which is why I was amazed when I immediately fell in
love with this card. This has to be my favourite card
from the set, for no other reason than it is the most
faithful recreation of Slowbro that I have ever seen.
I mean, just look at it. The habitual blank stare, the
half-turned pose as it tries to remember what it was
doing, the annoyance of the transformed Shellder which
is tethered to this idiot for all eternity. And then
there's the effects as well!
The stats perfectly match a layabout likt Slowbro, and
the Airhead Ability nails it completely. Only attack
when your Prizes are an odd number? Priceless!
Lazy Headbutt completes the package, causing Slowbro to
immediately take a nap after it finally gets around to
exerting itself. Only Slowbro would do this.
This card is the ultimate example of staying true to the
source and the designers have my respect and admiration
for taking a mediocre Poke'mon from bad-boring to
Modified: 1 (only being able to attack when your
remaining Prizes are not equal to 2, 4 or 6 is enough of
a dealbreaker without the other drawbacks as well)
Limited: 1 (80 damage for two energy is tempting, but
Slowbro still can't attack until you've already taken a
Prize which negates the speed advantage and the
self-inflicted Sleep stops consecutive attacks, so you
might as well just let the opponent draw a prize)
Combos with: an appreciation for the eccentric and for
inspired card design ideas. Incidentally, this may be
out first ever card to receive a 1 for every score, just
depending on what the others say.
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