DRAGONBALL Z:
KURILIN'S NEW HAIR
By L. Curtis Totty

		"If I want to get Android No. 18 to go out with me," said Kurilin.  "Then I'll need hair.  Good thing I collected the Dragonballs.  I hate male-pattern baldness!  I shouldn't have shaved my hair when I was a kid!"  Kurilin gathered together the seven Dragonballs.
		"SHENLON!  I COME TO YOU TO MAKE A WISH!  COME OUT OF THE DRAGONBALLS," yelled Kurilin.  The seven Dragonballs glowed, and soon the Eternal Dragon appeared.
		"I AM SHENLON, THE ETERNAL DRAGON!  TELL ME YOUR WISH AND I SHALL GRANT IT," roared Shenlon.
		"ETERNAL DRAGON, I WISH FOR HAIR," shouted Kurilin.
		"WHAT KIND OF HAIR?  CURLY OR STRAIGHT?" bellowed Shenlon.
		"Hmm.  I didn't think about that," thought Kurilin.  "Hmm... curly would be cool..."
		"HURRY UP!  I DON'T HAVE ALL AEON, Y'KNOW!"
		"OH, UH!  STRAIGHT!"
		"HOW LONG DO YOU WANT IT?"
		"FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE!"
		"NO, YOU IDIOT!  HOW LONG AS IN LENGTH?"
		"LENGTH OF WHAT?" 
		"YOUR HAIR, YOU MORON!"
		"OH!  SHOULDER-LENGTH!  LIKE THE SAIYAJIN, TRUNKS!"
		"WHAT COLOR DO YOU WANT?  BECAUSE OF YOUR NATURAL HUMAN GENES, I CAN GIVE YOU RED OR BLACK HAIR!"
		"Hmm, Android No.18 is always with Android No.17," thought Kurilin.  "She must like his black hair, and I'll have longer black hair!"
		"I WANT BLACK HAIR!  OH, AND CAN YOU PUT MOUSSE IN IT?" asked Kurilin.
		"I CANNOT GRANT WISHES THAT EXCEED THE POWER OF KAMI-SAMA."
		"You can't give me mousse?" asked Kurilin. A sweat bead formed on Shenlon's horn.
		 "Well...Dende's bald, so he doesn't have any mousse.  If you want mousse, go to a hairdresser," said Shenlon as he cleared his long throat.  "Ahem...YOUR WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED!  I BID YOU FAREWELL, OH AND BY THE WAY..."
		"Yes?" asked Kurilin.
		"Tell everyone that next time you collect the Dragonballs, don't put them so close together.  It gets me all tangled up like this."
		With that, the Eternal Dragon disappeared and the Dragonballs scattered.  Kurilin took out his mirror and checked out his hair.  "Cool.  Now that I look the part, I've got to act the part."  Kurilin put on a pair of sunglasses and looked at himself in the mirror, even though he couldn't see anything.  "Up home, wordies!  Wait, I mixed that up somehow.  I'll have to work on that later, but there's no time now!"  
	Kurilin jumped into his air car and backed into a tree.  He was too stupid to realize that he had put it in reverse.  He put it on forward, and drove into another tree.  He decided that he would put his sunglasses back on later, when No. 18 was around.

		Kurilin was nearing Satan City, where Android No.18 would surely be.  He decided to put his sunglasses back on because he might see 18 any minute.  After crashing into another car, he teleported out of it, and played it off as if he didn't do it.
		"There's 18!  Get ready Kurilin," he thought.
		"Hey, baby!  How about coming with me to a fancy French restaurant?" asked Kurilin.  His request yielded no response.  "Well?"
		"Kurilin, is that you?"
		The voice Kurilin heard sounded nothing like 18's.  He slowly raised his glasses and whimpered.  "Uh...hey Bulma!  I didn't recognize you!  Wait...VEGETA'S NOT AROUND IS HE?"
		"Well, no," said Bulma.
		Kurilin let out a sigh of relief.
		"But Trunks is right behind you," said Bulma.
		Kurilin immediately ran off.
"BURNING ATTACK!"
yelled Trunks.  He narrowly missed Kurilin.  "HOW DARE YOU HIT ON MY MOTHER?"
		"Easy, Trunks, it was just Kurilin," said Bulma.
		"Kurilin?" asked Trunks.  "Where'd he get all that hair?  Looks good."
		
		"Whew," sighed Kurilin.  "That was pretty close."  Suddenly, Kurilin looked in the window of a nearby Starbucks and saw No. 18 sipping a mocha latte.  He raised his sunglasses to make sure.
		"Oh, if I could be that mocha latte," sighed Kurilin.  "Oh, to travel through her digestive system until I finally reached her urinary tract.  UGH!"
		Kurilin put his sunglasses on and walked across street, and almost got hit by a car.  Suddenly, he saw No. 17 walk towards her.  They talked for a second.
		"Seventeen," growled Kurilin.  No. 17 stepped out of Starbucks and saw Kurilin.  
		"Hello, Kurilin," growled No. 17.
		"Hello, No. 17," growled Kurilin.  They both kept their eyes on each other as Kurilin entered Starbucks.
		"Okay, Kurilin.  Stay cool," thought Kurilin.
		"Wait a minute!  Eighteen isn't in here," said Kurilin.  He walked back out.  "Oh, how silly of me!  This is the wrong Starbucks!  I have to go to the one next door!"
		Kurilin entered the right Starbucks and saw No. 18.  "Okay, Kurilin.  Stay cool!"
		Thanks to Kurilin's sunglasses once again, he didn't see the banana peel in front of him, and slipped on it.  
"YYYEEEAAARRRHHHGGGHHH!"
Kurilin cried as he slid right to No. 18's table.
		"Okay, Kurilin. That was a bad entrance.  But you still have a chance if you emphasize your new hair.  Just stay cool, and play it off as if nothing happened," thought Kurilin.
		"Hey, No. 18," said Kurilin.  "How's it going?"
		"Kurilin?  Is that you?" asked No. 18.
		"Yes.  Do you notice anything different about me?" asked Kurilin.
		"Uh...yeah," said No. 18.  "Where'd you get the hair?"
		"Well," started Kurilin." I wished for it with the Dragonballs AND IT IS LONGER AND BLACKER THAN THAT OF ANDROID NO. 17!" 
		"Real smooth, Kurilin," he thought.  "You're pretty fly for a Japanese guy.  The ladies must call you Cool Dr. Money."
		"Shut up, brain.  I don't need you anymore, I've got hair now!" growled Kurilin.
		"What did you say?" asked No. 18.
		Kurilin put his hand behind his head and forced a laugh.  "Well, uh...you see No. 18, I was just, uh...wondering if you'd like to go out with me to Chess Derriere, that fancy French restaurant."
		"Don't you mean...Chéz Derriere?" asked No. 18 with a sexy, French accent.  Kurilin swallowed hard.
		"Uh...y-yeah," stuttered Kurilin.
		"Sorry, I'm meeting someone here," said No. 18.
		"Here, at Starbucks instead of Chess Derriere?" asked Kurilin.  "Let me guess.  It's No. 17, right?"
		"No," said No. 18.  "Of course not!  He's my brother!"
		"Of course, because you're both Androids created by Dr. Gero," said Kurilin, realizing at last.  
		"Here comes my date now," said No. 18.
		Kurilin turned around and saw something completely unexpected.  "No. 16?"
		"Hey, Kurilin," said No. 16.
		"What could you possibly see in him?" asked Kurilin.
		"I just love his cute, red hair," said No. 18.
		"Red hair?  You like red hair instead of black hair?" asked Kurilin.  He suddenly remembered his hair options when he made his wish with the Dragonballs (if you don't remember, scroll up, moron).
"B'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Kurilin cried.  "Wait a minute, isn't No. 16 your brother, too?"
		"Well, since he is more machine than man, and he was built from different designs..." said No. 18.
		"Technically, we're not related," said No. 16.
		"What kind of robotic redneck reasoning is that?" thought Kurilin.  "Well, I'll see you later," said Kurilin as he took off his sunglasses and put them in his pocket.  He walked towards the door and slipped on the banana peel again.
		"Thanks for helping me get rid of him, No. 16," said No. 18.
		"No problem.  Just one question," said No. 16.
		"Yes?"
		"Why did you go through all the trouble and use of hard drive space of processing an excuse?  Why didn't you just blow him off?" asked No. 16.
		"Well, uh..."
		"Oh, I get it!  You didn't want to hurt his human feelings.  You like him, don't you?" asked No. 16.
		"Uh...no I don't," said No. 18.
		"Kurilin and No.18, sitting in a tree, D-O-W-N-L-O-A-D-I-N-G," sang No. 16.
		"Shut up, No. 16," said No. 18.
		"Admit it, No. 18," said No. 16.
		"Oh, go reboot yourself," said No. 18.
		
		"How stupid of me," said Kurilin.  "I should've gotten to know her better.  Then I'd know she likes redheads.  Looks like I'll be stuck with black hair for a whole year.  I'll have to make sure nothing happens to any of us.  I'm getting so tired of wishing the same people back to life over and over again!  Huh?  I sense a powerful ki heading straight toward me."
		"KURILIN!" yelled a voice.  "HOW DARE YOU MAKE A PASS AT THE WIFE OF THE PRINCE OF THE SAIYAJIN!"
		"OH NO!  VEGETA!" cried Kurilin.
		"GET BACK HERE AND TAKE YOUR BEATING LIKE A MAN!  I'M GOING TO KIL...uh...SEND YOU TO ANOTHER DIMENSION!"
		"WAIT!  STOP!  VEGETA, I DIDN'T REALIZE!  PLEASE!  HAVE MERCY ON MY WEAK, WRETCHED CHIKYUU-JIN SOUL!" cried Kurilin.
		"OH, GO TO HE...er...H.F.I.L.!" yelled Vegeta.

THE END