Did I really just say last week that things were looking up

Did I really just say last week that things were looking up?

I'm not really depressed anymore. But I am busy. Very busy. So busy, in fact, that I couldn't get to any of the decks in my mailbox (other than the ones I fixed for posting, of course.) I'll start getting to them this week. Of course, this will be the cue for something ELSE to come up and make my life a living hell.

Okay. This week, what do we have?

Letters.

A *lot* of letters.

Please recall that sometime last week I posted a Top 10 list entitled "Top 10 Things To Do While Waiting For Gym." As with most of the humorous things I post, the respondents immediately divided themselves into two categories: Those with a sense of humor, and those without. The "withouts" further divided themselves into two basic categories: those who thought I was trying to incite kids to commit arson and/or theft, and those who took the Digimon comment seriously.

Since I don't have the time, the energy, or the desire to organize my letters for this week according to any real rhyme or reason, I'll just do my usual thing and spit them out in chronological order.

>Subject:# 1 Thing To Do.....
>
>I hate Digimon! DIGIMON SUCKS!!! y do people like repeat o'
>Poke'mon?!
>
>--
>______
>So Thanks, and Long For All the Fishies
>______

SPIKE: I'm not sure. I hate it myself. It was a JOKE, for God's sake.

>Subject:PLAY DIGIMON?!
>
>PLAY DIGIMON?!?!?!?!? What are you, INSANE?
>
>I like the ideas about Sandshrew. And Team Rocket. BUT PLAY
>DIGIMON?!?!?!? That !@#$%^&*() Pocket Monster clone is great
>firestarter. The fighting virtual pet concept was cool, but
>when they try (kind of ^_^) to COMPLETELY copy Pokemon, it
>goes too far.
>
>-Mewtwo

SPIKE: *sigh*

Why do people understand that I'm joking about robbing stores and all that jazz, but think I'm serious about Digimon?

Of course, not everybody thought I was joking about the stores.

>Subject:Top Ten
>
>Dear Spike,
> Something else to do is wate untill a very windy day and go on top
>of a really high leedge, put Black Cats and cerry bombs on top of a
>triangle kite and release it upon a group of inocent people chanting
>that
>the wrath of Emus are upon them.

SPIKE: Umm.... yes. That would be something else to do. Of course, stabbing yourself in the eyes with a fork would also be something else to do. Don't anybody go do this, okay? Please. (And don't stab yourself in the eyes with a fork, for that matter.)

>Subject:your top 10 list
>
>boo #1!
> ~ Nintenfreak ~

SPIKE: *sigh*

>Subject:top 1o
>
>Hey!! I know a fun thing to do waiting on that new team rocket set
>thingy!!
>You can start running and runing like a constipated weiner dog around
>your
>local gamer store after they kick you out, or you could just try to
>find that
>infinite card combo in pokemon with the new team rocket set WITHOUT
>looking
>it up on the net!

SPIKE: Infinite card combo? I haven't heard of it. Someone wanna let me in on the secret? Because, quite frankly, I have no desire whatsoever to spend my net time looking up infinite card combos. I'd rather be downloading naughty pictures.

>Subject:digimon
>
>TRAITOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DIGIMON
>SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SPIKE: Just call me Cassius. Or Claudius. No, on second thought, don't call me Claudius...

>Subject:HeHeHeHahahahahahahahahaha
>
>Great idea for top 10 . Trade sandshrews for charizard? very funny. I
>can just see little kids running around trading holos and rares for
>sandshrews then to say that you dont want to trade. But i dont think
>that ANYONE should even try the digimon card game. In the words of that
>fat dude from the simpsons "Worst card game ever." But you did a great
>job on that list and your garage is great. especially those letters.

SPIKE: Glad you like the letters--you're one of them now. *g* I'm not sure whether you misinterpreted the Digimon thing, but if you did, at least you weren't a jerk about it.

>Subject:come on
>
>digimon #1 come on be part of the solution not the problem the game is
>dumb
>the show is dumber and even thought it is not a copy of pokemon it
>doesnt
>deserve to be in the same class as pokemon

SPIKE: *sigh* Next letter please.

>Subject:answer to joke
>
>The difference between a vulpix and a ninetails is about 5 beers

SPIKE: Same to you, fella.

>Subject:I Like Number 4 The Best.
>
>Spike,
> Love your list, especially number 4. This liking could maybe associate with me being arrested acting like a >Spanish Conquistador.......but that's a different story....

SPIKE: Number 4 was a favorite among many people for some reason. Personally, my fave was #3.

>Subject:TOP 10 COMMENTS
>
>WHY WOULD I WANT TO PLAY DIGIMON? POKEMON'S MUCH
>BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SPIKE: Why would you want to open a booster pack and set your rare on fire? Geez...

>Subject:No Subject
>
>Some kids look at your top 10. Please don't swear or give kids ideas
>to rob
>a Pokemon store in costume and get arrested. Please don't do that any
>more.
>:(. If you do stop, :).

SPIKE: Geez... everybody's a critic.

I'm also kind of annoyed at the recent emerging trend of blaming the media and the Internet for every violent act committed by kids. I could go on such a long monologue about this subject, but I won't, because quite frankly... assertions like that aren't worth my time. If I DO hear that somebody has gone and robbed a store dressed as Team Rocket, and they did it because of my Top 10 list, perhaps I'll admit I should have toned it down a bit. Actually, it's more likely that I'll just laugh my ass off at the idea that anybody could be so freaking stupid.

>subject:your an idiot
>
>thats real smart in todays world to tell kids to do some of the stupid
>stuff in your top 10 there will no doubt be someone dumb enough to do
>something on your list why dont you come up with better things next
>timeones kids wont try that will get them in trouble kids are bad
>enough
>already without help from you

SPIKE: Dammit. You've uncovered my master plan to corrupt the youth of America through Pokemon. Now I'm going to have to pack up and move my secret headquarters again. I'm thinking South Carolina this time. Nobody in their right mind would look for me there.

>Subject:Top Ten List
>
>I tried running around the store I go to with flaming Pokemon cards and
>for
>some reason everyone got really mad at me and the owner kicked me out.
>I
>still dont understand why they check my pockets for lighters or matches
>every
>time i walk through the door. Everybody gives me a really weird look
>when i
>come in now too. They are beggining to scare me.

SPIKE: They just don't understand you. It's not your fault. Someday you'll find a group of people who accept you for what you really are.

>Subject:Great job!!!!!!!!!
>
>I just wanted to say that u are halarious and that u are doing
>a great job and to keep up the great work!!!!!!!!!!!!

SPIKE: Thank you. I'm blushing. Keep the feedback coming, whether positive or negative!

>Subject:Top 10
>
>Good article, but one question: I don't want to sound stupid, but
>what's
>a proxy card?
>_______________

SPIKE: Don't worry, you don't sound stupid. A proxy card, as I understand it, is simply a card used in place of another card that you don't have. For example, a while back a friend of mine needed some DCEs for his Wiggly deck, but he didn't have enough. So he took some lightning energies and wrote "Double Colorless" on them. They served until he got some actual Double Colorless for his deck.

>Subject:Top 10
>
>Hey! Not bad! :) Why didn't you put the Team Rocket and/or Charizard
>one in
>number one? I have nothing againts Digimon....I don't get WB so I whach
>it
>instead.....But those whould be funner! (Haha, I can just see what
>people
>whould think when I come to Toys R Us in Team Rocket clothes!)

SPIKE: Hehe. I thought about it. But I'm happy with the way the list turned out.

>Subject:your gym stuff waiting thing is funny
>>i like #4.
>i get a kick out of it every time!

SPIKE: Every time??? Erm....

>Subject:Low Price Deck
>
> I enjoy the Pokemon TCG very much, and I have made a few decks to try
>out.
> Unfortunatly, my problem is that I don't have enough of the rare,
>promo,
>and uncommon cards.
> I look at the Killer Deck Reports and I am amazed that someone made a
>deck
>with (this is an ex.) 4 Promo Mewtwo and 3 Alakazams. I'd like to make
>a
>Psy water deck, but I don't have 4 of the main Pokemon that I need
>(Golduck
>and Dragonair). I'd like to find a deck that uses a good Psy/Water
>startagy without having 4 of every card. Thank you so much for readin
>this and I hope that you can help me.
> Signing off,
> Shaun

SPIKE: Well, the truth is that multiples make the deck. You usually need at least 2-3 of a card for it to be effective in a deck. But they needn't be rares. In fact, with the exception of Computer Search (just an awesome card) you can make a great deck without any rares at all.

The bottom line is, if you don't have enough cards for, say, a 4-3 evolution, try using a 3-2 instead. If you can't have 4 of a trainer, use 2 or 3 instead. The only trainer I always run 4 of is Energy Removal, but it's a common, so you should be able to accumulate 4 over a relatively short period of time. Psy/Water is a good combo for someone watching their pocketbook, as it has many good uncommon Pokes (Kadabra, Golduck, Dewgong, Jynx... etc.) Let me know how your quest turns out.

>Subject:Dasa Funny!!!!!
>
>LoL.....Sorry, I gotta get ahold of myself. This is the funniest top 10
>list
>I have read!!!!! It's way better than all those ~@#$% card ones!
>-PikaCool

SPIKE: Gott sei Dank... more positive commentary on the list. I had just about given up all hope.

>Subject:(no subject)
>
>Digimon sucks *CENSORED* ( and might run pokemon out of bussiness)!

SPIKE: The day Digimon runs Pokemon out of business will be the day Seattle sinks beneath the sea like Atlantis.

>Subject:number 2 suggestion
>
>i think that out of all of ur suggestions this one is the best

SPIKE: I like it too. I'd have tried it by now, but the kids at my Pokemon league are all scared of me. Probably because I keep winning games using rare, broken cards like "Energy Removal" and "PlusPower."

>Subject:ideas for rime of the ancient......
>
>I got an idea, have the part of the mariner be played by Team Rockets
>Meowth,
>it would explain why he killed the albatross.

SPIKE: Hmm. I'm still working out how I'm gonna do this Rime thing. I'll let y'all know when I get it worked out. Thanks for the idea, though.

>Subject:another thing to do (while waiting for gym)
>
>Be like Homer Simpson and keep saying gym awlll......
>then go run out and buy a butter finger.

SPIKE: Kinky.

>Subject:Hello Spika... A question...
>
>Well, sorry about all the rush last week, hope you get more time this
>time
>around to help the people, but it is ok, I understand. Well... what I
>was
>really woundering was if you would be nice enough to post your deck
>that you
>are using, or one from the recent past. I mean, with so many decks out
>there, it is hard to make a dominating deck since everydeck I have
>made,
>other people have. Or, maybe if you had a good Idea for a deck, that
>would
>help A LOT! Thanks,

SPIKE: You're welcome. Your wish is hereby granted. Look in this update for a short piece on the deck I'm currently using.

>Subject:Re:TOP 10 THINGS TO DO WHILE WAITING FOR GYM
>
>switch #3 with #1 and your set!!

SPIKE: As I said, I had a reason for the order I put them in. But it would have been funny either way.

>Subject:!
>
>#1 on your "Top 10 things to do while waiting for Gym" Is the most
>DESPERATE
>move I have ever seen. Digimon. how........depressing.

SPIKE: Not gonna reply to that anymore. Nope.

>Subject:Pojo
>
>Hey Spike! I did some of your top ten things to do while waiting for
>gym. I
>was playing in a magic tournament with my green deck, and then i
>started to
>recite the flavor text when a card came into play. After a few turns of
>this,
>my opponent asked me too stop and called over a judge. The judge looked
>up a
>ruling on this and found that you were not allowed to do this, so i
>promised
>not to do it again, but I did and i got kicked out of the tournament.
>Thanks
>bunches for getting me kicked out of a tourney, spikE. Oh, and i went
>to a
>pokemon tourney and traded my messed up charizard for 89 sandshrews!!
>see ya!

SPIKE: Hehe. Which card was it? The only card where I feel compelled to recite the flavor text is my Wake of Destruction. When I cast that thing, it's almost like I NEED to break into verse. Sometimes, if I'm in a situation where I'd get thrown out, I just scream "KISS YOUR MANA GOODBYE!!!" Then I excuse myself and run to the bathroom so I can say the text in private. If I'm alone, sometimes I also do the little disco dance step or whatever it is.

Good job on the Charizard, though.

>Subject:THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST TOP 10 EVER!
>
>LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!

SPIKE: Nice to know I'm appreciated, and that I'm still funny. Crash was starting to make me feel kind of inferior, so I had to stretch my humor muscles a bit.

>Subject:(no subject)
>
>why digimon

SPIKE: Why anything? Why are we here? What is the meaning of life?

Oh, wait... it's 42.

>Subject:top ten lists
>
>heyspike
>
>i think that proforming multiple quadded bfg jumps would of been more fun

SPIKE: How do you know I was talking about Quake 2?

But you're right. Actually, if you get down to it, the ultimate would be a quadded strength-runed BFG jump off a grenade. Feel free to send me a demo. Actually, no, don't.... I can do it myself.

>Subject:The Rime of the Ancient Mariner
>
>The Rime of the Ancient Mariner thing sounds cool. Can I help?

SPIKE: See above...

>Subject:?
>
>How did you become a deck mechanic?I'd like to be one.Can you tell me
>how?

SPIKE: *sigh*

All right, I'll tell you the truth. You know that whole bit on the Deck Garage about having had a contest to find mechanics, and not needing any new mechanics? Well, that's a lie. Apparently, you were too smart, and you saw through our clever deception. Good for you.

The way I REALLY became a deck mechanic is through the same initiation ritual as everyone else. Only people who survived the ritual were allowed to join the Deck Garage. I prepared for months beforehand by doing special strengthening exercises. I also wore asbestos socks, but that's probably beside the point. Only the Chosen can take part in this ritual, so if you weren't born with a birthmark in the shape of a rabid badger, you'll never be able to become a deck mechanic. Sorry.

>Subject:The problem with James...
>
>I was just reading your Top Ten list (hillarious) there is just one
>thing
>that bothered me. Why did you have the gender disclaimer for #4. (Dress
>up as
>James . . . yada yada yada. The thing is, James crossdresses so much it
>doesnt matter if you put that disclaimer in, he wears what girls wear
>anyway!

SPIKE: True, true. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.

>Subject:Poll Answers!
>
>Hi there!
> This is RainStrom here... New e-mail addy since >my
>Dad is FINALLY getting rid of Aohell >(HUZZAH!!)
>
>In response to those questions on your polls... uh...
>In order: Yes, No, No, Yes, Maybe, Sometimes, >and Are
>you Insane? Oh wait, that was established a long >time
>ago ;)

SPIKE: Yes, it was. But I'm one of the happy kinds!

>Hmm. There aren't any poll questions yet. The >link
>is just right back to your shed. Very funny. I
>wonder how many people will sit and click that >link
>for hours, desperate for a poll...

SPIKE: Probably more than you think. But the truth is that, after Scott agreed to bring back my polls, he posted the link a week early...BEFORE I sent him the polls themselves. They should be up in this update.

>Oh dear... Oh Drat got out. We're both thrilled >about
>getting team rocket cards yesterday :) (I already
>have the entire Rocket Dragon family, in order for
>them to be "playable" though, I'd need another >Rocket
>Dratini and Dark Dragonite) Here's a p-word >question
>for you: Which is cuter, Base or Rocket Dratini?
>OhDrat is Base, I guess, because Rocket is much >cuter
>than she is. OUCH. Darn, I was hoping she >wouldn't
>catch that.

SPIKE: Actually, I like the Base one better. And, um, to tell you the truth... the Rocket dragon family isn't that "playable" in the first place. Dragonair, maybe... but Dark Dragonite is horrible. I have to admit the artwork is way cool, though.

>Happy Easter! Tell your sister and Vulpix that the
>Dragon Loons said Hi!
>
>(poor Vulpie's probably miffed over not being in >this
>expansion... or ANY expansion yet... Good thing >he's
>got bunch of RSVP's for Gym!)
>
>What does RSVP stand for anyhow?
>
>Really Special Vulpix Posing (get yer cameras out!)
>
>Okay, I gotta scram... see you later Spike! Good >luck
>with the Snorlax-sized pile of decks you get/got >from
>bored kids on spring break! (aren't you glad *I*
>didn't send one!? And aren't you glad this letter's
>reasonably short?? I think I sprained something by
>not typing a mile of words!)
> Rainy the Furry Blue Mock-Dragon
> and OhDrat the Bratty Blue Poké-Dragon

Hehe. Always nice to hear from you, Rainy. Groan... I don't know if I can even make it to those decks this week. Man...

Anyway... at long last, that's all our letters for this week. Jeez. I suppose I have to come up with a random thought now, don't I?

SPIKE'S RANDOM THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

I was going to have a quote from Shakespeare here as my random thought. However, I came to the conclusion that anything I said at this juncture would no doubt be misinterpreted, so it was better if I just kept my hole shut.

Ferrets... already did those.

Unicorns... already did those.

Say, did you know that the German word for ferret is "Frettchen"? At least, that's what the Babelfish Online Translator says. And we all know how far we can trust that thing.

Oh yeah. I've been using that thing to translate some of my garage articles into German. It's frickin' hilarious. You should try it.

Wait a minute. That's two random thoughts. Oh well. Screw it. I didn't have one last week, so...

By the way, if all goes well, the poll should be back this week. I'd do a little dance of joy, but I'm too tired right now.

-Spike
spike@pojo.com

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