And now for a word from our sponsor:

"Zucchini"

We now return you to your regularly scheduled deck
garage...


Some pretty interesting decks this week. It was a
tumultous week for me personally, but I managed to
crank out a fair number of fixes and do a good job on
them. I'm going to cover garage news first, then we'll
get to the various effluvia that landed in my mailbox
this week.

First of all, as you may have noticed, Vulpix has his
own column. He's been bugging me about this for a
while, so I figured I'd try and get him to shut up. He
will also be doing the deck-bashing on his own now,
and he delivers a few examples of that. There's a new
format for rating bad decks, so go check it out! In
addition, I let him get his own E-mail address...so if
you'd like to ask him something, tell him how cute he
is, or just cuss him out, you can write to:
s_vulpix@yahoo.com.

Next, I'm still getting decks that fall below my
standards. Doesn't matter anymore; I'm just deleting
them.

And finally, I get a lot of hay and other archetype
decks. And yes, I do fix these--in fact, I chose to
post a couple this week because I was short on time
and they were easy to do. But there are other
mechanics who can do those. I'll gladly fix any
archetype deck that lands on my doorstep, but what I'd
really like to see are people who are playing with
original decks, or are trying to make a favorite
Pokemon work in an unfriendly environment. If you're
one of those people, don't be shy--send 'em in! Be
sure to include a detailed description and strategy,
as always...

Now...*drum roll*...the letters for this week! I'm
gonna list them chronologically, in the same order I
recieved them. Here we go!


>Subject: deck
>
>How do i become a deck machanic


Well...umm...let me think about that...

My guess is, you don't.

Seriously though, I would suggest you go and bug Scott
Gerhardt about it. Harass him nonstop and send him
sample fixes of your friends' decks. If he blocks you,
switch addresses. If he starts ignoring you
completely, try mailbombing him. You'll be a mechanic
in no time!


>Subject: Mew
>
>Hi,
>
>I would just like to hear your thoughts on Mew.


My thoughts on Mew?? Hmm...well, to tell you the
truth, I have not encountered him that much. I don't
think that much of him. He is mainly good for trappy
strategies, but any deck with strong haymaking basics
should have little trouble with him. He needs to be
paired with Aerodactyl to really be effective at all.
And he's easy to kill.

One deck he does work well against, though, is Turbo
Blastoise =) Assuming you can keep him alive long
enough to de-evolve Blastoise...

With the usual disclaimer: in my opinion.

This next letter is a long one, but a thoughtful one.
I'm going to intersperse my comments throughout to
make it less of a handful.

>Subject: the "freak of nature" quote..
>
>   I'm a big pun-freak (that's one of the reasons I
like >pokémon so
>much) so
>I figured I'd challenge myself with coming up with
>possible meanings to
>that
>obscure letter you got recently.
>        Disclaimer:  This is pretty long.  Read when
>you've got some
>time. 
>That'll probably be next year, after Pokemon >becomes
unpopular so your
>mailbox has time to recover.
>
>this is the quote:
>>your a wild freak of nature
>
>There are several possibilites here, but since
Dratini >is slightly
>better at
>grammar than I, I'm enlisting her help.  She's also
>had her eye on your
>
>Vulpix for a while (she likes the firey types) and if
I >didn't
>introduce her,
>she'd never forgive me (those eyes might seem big
>and innocent, but
>Dratini
>has TEETH and I've got the bite marks to prove it!


A relationship with a Dratini? Sounds intriguing. I'll
have to ask Vulpix what he thinks of that.


>    Dratini wriggles up.  "Oh Drat."  (that's what
she >says, I'm not
>sure if
>it's normal or not, but it's pretty funny, eh?)
>Translation:  "Hi
>there."
>    Dratini:  "Drat, oh drat, darn, drat!"  -->
"This >phrase can be
>interpreted in many ways.  My first instict is to
correct >the grammar
>and
>spelling, so it'd be changed to 'You are a wild freak
>of nature.'  This
>does
>not sound complementary, though I may be taking it
>out of context." 
>    Rainy rubs fingers, "Drat, could you slow it down
>a bit?" 
>    Dratini looks miffed, but flicks an ear-frill,
sips >some coffee,
>and
>waits until Rainy finishes typing.
>    Rainy:  "Thanks Drat!"
>    Dratini shrugs:  "Oh drat.  Drattee nee at dra"
--> > "Well, I
>would need
>to know more about the sender of the comment to >make
a truly accurate
>assessment of what the person meant.  If the
>person's e-mail was
>something
>like 'hippie@woohoo.com' then it would most likely
>be a compliment,
>saying
>something like 'You are a Way Rad Dude!'  >However,
if the person's
>e-mail was
>something like 'losrboy@aohell.com' then it was
>probably some infantile
>
>loser's attempt at insulting you.  Don't be insulted
>though, because
>it's
>just not worth it."


You're telling me...I get enough loser-mail as it is.
You'll see an example of that in just a bit.


>    Rainy:  "Dratini, leave some coffee for me!  I
>made it!  Who's the
>caffeine freak here?"
>    Dratini ignores the furry blue one.  "Ah drat oh
>drat ee drat nee
>drat!"
>-->  "That's my impression of the WB Dubba Dubba
>Dance."
>    Rainy:  "OUCH!  Okay okay, I'll translate it
right >this time!!
>    correct translation-->  "There's another way to
>correct the
>person's
>spelling/grammar/punctualization, so he/she/it >would
be saying 'Your
>___ is a
>freak of nature'  ... I'm not sure what that could
be, >but I'm assuming
>
>Vulpix... since in 'this' world, Pokémon are
unnatural. > However, he
>might be
>referring to YOU... do you have any bodily
>disfigurements that we can't
>
>perceive? 


Bodily disfigurements? Not that I'm aware of. *grin*


>That brings up the interesting question; how would
>this
>person
>KNOW about those disfigurements!  Though you >could
be a 'dormant'
>mutant, my
>term for a mutant which is indistinguishable from the
>parent species.
>I'm
>assuming that your mutation, if you have one, is
>probably one of those
>intelligence-enhancers, you sound mature and you
>like pokémon. 


Thank you. Perhaps I am a bit of a mutant...there are
a couple of things that the guy could be referring to,
I suppose. Though how he knows about them is anybody's
guess.


>Rainy
>here
>gets criticized and ragged on at her high school for
>being a fan.  It's
>
>really sad, I wish I could bite those people.  They
>need it.  She won't
>let
>me out of the pokéball at school though, I guess so
>she can graduate
>this
>June."


Being likewise a high school student with an affinity
for Pokemon, I am pleased to relate a secret method
which I have developed over the last two years for
avoiding persecution as a result of unpopular views.

KEEP YOUR MOUTH THE HELL SHUT!!

Sorry.


>    Rainy:  "Drat, are you done yet?"
>    Dratini:  "Dra-ha"  -->"Just getting to my
closing >statments."
>    Rainy:  "Fine, let's get on with it so you can go
flirt >with
>Vulpix!" 
><dodges Dratini's teeth>
>    Dratini:  "Tee na drat.  Oh drat." -->  "I'll get
you >for that
>Just you
>wait!"
>    Rainy:  "I'm not scared of you!  I've got wings
and >you haven't
>evolved
>yet!"
>    Dratini:  "Drat!"  -->  "As if I'd evolve into
that >orange lard
>bucket
>those weirdos call a dragon!  Ha!  I'd rather go
>legless!"
>    Rainy:  "Pffft!" (raspberry)
>    Dratini ignores Rainy.  "Drat ee na tee nee oh
>drat!" -->  "Back to
>the
>point.  I really wouldn't be offended by the 'your a
>wild freak of
>nature'
>comment, and I advise that you refrain from being
>offended by it
>yourself. 
>Whoever wrote it was probably repeating the ninth
>grade for the fifth
>time. 
>Or got really lost in the 70's.  Either way, it was
pretty >amusing to
>try and
>pick apart what that person said.  I'm prefering the
>interpretation
>that
>Vulpix is a wild freak of nature... I go for that
kind >myself."


Well, it's all in your point of view, isn't it? I
suppose he's a freak of nature, when you put it that
way...as much as any fox who breathes fire and plays
Quake 3 Arena...


>    Rainy:  "Dratini, please, don't flirt using my
e-mail >account.  Go
>get
>your own!"
>    Dratini:  "Does Vulpix have an e-mail account?"
>    Rainy:  "I don't know.  If you want to know, get
>your own e-mail
>account
>and e-mail Spike yourself.  Mnementh wouldn't like it
>if he hacked into
>my
>computer and found love notes to some other guy!"


I think I answered that question above...


>    Dratini:  "Ugh drat." -->  "Your boyfriend scares
>me.  I'll
>behave."
>    Rainy:  "Did i hear you say you'd behave???"
><faints>
>dratini takes over the keyboard.  'good thing she
>taught me to type...
>if
>only i could hit the shift key too... i'll use surf
on her, >see if
>she'll
>wake up.  --splashing sounds--  ah, there she goes.
>    Rainy regains control of the keyboard.  "Ugh,
>Drat, you got the
>keyboard
>all wet!  Are we done here?  I need to go buy a
>leash and collar for
>you to
>keep you away from that Vulpix!"
>    Dratini:   "Ah drat." --> "Aww, you're no fun!"
>
>        Well, if this hasn't been entirely helpful,
both >Drat and I
>hope this
>was at least entertaining! 
>        Sincerely,
>            Rainy, the Furry Blue Mock-Dragon
>        and Oh Drat, the Bratty Blue Poké-Dragon
>
>    Drat:  "aah dra ha tee" -->  "Are you coming
>down?  It looks really
>
>uncomfortable, typing from the rafters like that with
>your tail."
>    Rainy:  "I can handle it, I've got a split tail
so I >can hit two
>keys at
>once.  Unlike your one-point tail.  And no, I'm not
>coming down until
>you
>calm down.  You still have that look in your eyes
that >indicates you
>want to
>bite me.  I don't like being bitten.  My siblings do
that >enough as it
>is!"
>    Drat:  "Drat tee nee!"  -->  "I wouldn't bite you
>*now* ..."
>    Rainy, (dubiously):  "Okay..."  <gets down.>
>    Drat:  "Drat ni tee?"  -->  You *did* send that
>e-mail, didn't
>you?"
>    Rainy:  "No, I'm adding this conversation at the
>end.  Hopefully
>Vulpix
>will read it and decide you're not worth a response."
>    Dratini bites Rainy.
>        "OUCH!"
>    Rainy:  "Vulpix, if you read this... Dratini is a
>horrendous brat!
>And a
>liar!  Go find yourself a nice girl Vulpix and have
lots >of nice little
>
>one-tailed baby vulpine pixies!"
>        --Rainy


Thanks for the...um...interesting letter. A furry blue
dragon?? Nothing wrong with that, I suppose... *grin*

Coming down off that surreal yet intelligent letter,
we have some spam:


>Subject: None
>
>Hey Do you like Pokemon,Playstation,
>Do you want to win Awards for your site. You'll want
>to visit a fast goring site on the net known as
>Cubones Doghouse. At Cubones Doghouse were >got tons
of Downloads,Awards,Guestbook,Message >board and youll
faint when you see the GS codes >and Cheats pages.Hey
your website is really cool so >be sure to see mine.
So if your intrested Click Here >to visit


Um...

I'm not going to print my response here, but it rhymes
with "duck scoff."

Next!


>Subject: (no subject)
>
>  yeah, the kid who said that scyther can do 90 is an
>idiot,
>but regardless, you need to shut the f**k up before
>you get hurt.
>
>    the kid that wrote that is most likely 7 or 8
years >old, and he
>doesnt
>know any better. i on the other hand am older. i
>have a younger brother
>that
>plays pokemon, and he taught me to play. if you >ever
said anything like
>you
>did in your article to me or my brother, youd better
>watch the f**k out
>
>because ill kick your f**king a** all over the room.
>
>    oh yeah, and i play with scyther, and even though
>its almost
>impossible
>for scyther to do 90 with slash ill still kick the
s**t out >of you and
>your
>b***h a** vulpix.
>
>    later,
>guy"kick the s**t out of everyone" [name deleted]


In case you can't tell, this is a response to my
response to some idiot who's been writing illegal
Single Card strategies. Quite a few of them, in fact.
I just think it's funny that this guy takes personal
offense at my words and proceeds to threaten to "kick
my ass all over the room." If you knew me, you'd
realize how funny this is, as it's virtually
impossible to move my rather considerable mass with
something as small as a kick.

Oh yes, Vulpix would like a piece of you. Literally.
He didn't say which piece, but if you want to have
children, I'd stay the hell away from anything that
looks even remotely like a fox.


>Subject: ummm...fanmail i guess?
>
>Its a really funny one about "There is no best
>pokemon"
>you just gotto agree that lets say a Charizard (i use
4 >of 'em in my deck, so i'm promoting him everywhere)
>is better than something like a Rattata
>so one card has to be the best in the end, no???
>
>Greating from [name deleted], Holland


Actually, no. In your example, Blastoise will put
Charizard's fire out quickly. Electabuzz, in turn,
will fry Blastoise to a toasty crisp. And the Rattata
in your example will own up on Mr. Mime. See my point?

Nice to get a letter from Holland, though...

SPIKE'S RANDOM THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

A bit of verse written by someone I know after a
horrible tragedy:


By helping us hope
You overreach now
Apprehending what yet may be
And grab something of life
Which may yet allow
This world to be peaceful and free.


I know it has nothing to do with Pokemon, but I liked
it, and I couldn't think of anything else. If you'd
rather have truly random, momentary thoughts
consisting of whatever's going through my mind at the
moment--such as "Bagels Are Good"--write me, and maybe
I'll go back to ferrets and such.

Ta for now!

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