And now for something completely different...

Once again, it's that time of the week when I go
through by bulging mailbox and bang out a few
responses to people who can't understand why their
3-2-1 Charizard evolution gets killed in tournaments.
The thing that keeps me going is the fact that, every
now and then, I get to fix a few good decks and post
them. There's some good examples of that this week.

On to this week's letters. There were a plethora of
intriguing e-mails this week, and I'll just throw a
few of them up here for your reading pleasure. The
first one is actually just a note that was sent along
with a deck (a deck we may yet see up here) but I
thought I'd post it...read it and see.

***

>Vulpix, your assist on these reports is invaluable,
and >you are just so darn cute to boot (and by the
way, I >think using genetic engineering to merge a
Vulpix, >Pikachu and Omanyte is a really risky idea.
Please >keep in mind that Omanyte is a WATER Pokemon,
>and you may just as easily end up as an impotent
>yellow fur ball that leaves snail trails wherever it
>goes... the quest for deadly cuteness just isn't
worth >it, imho. So if you ever see Spike sporting
extraction >needles and test tubes, a quick fire blast
may be in >order...).

***

Thanks for the feedback on Vulpix's cuteness. But, if
you'll read the Omanyte deck again, I think you'll see
that my recommendation was to merge Pikachu, Omanyte,
and MEW. Vulpix is so cute already that any attempt to
increase his cuteness would be a waste. I'd ask Vulpix
for his commentary, but he took one look at the word
"impotent" and ran screaming from the room. Now I'm
going to have to don my asbestos gloves and hunt
through the house for him. Thanks a lot.

***

>Subject: Eevee
>
>Hello Spike,
>    You had to toast the Eevee didn't you.{smiling
>inwardly} Well since reading Eevee's cameo, I had >to
organize the Eevee's of the neighborhood to see >their
reactions to the article. Needless to say it wasnt
>pretty. In fact my own Eevee lead the group. I am
>somewhat ashamed at this because heis rather
>hypocritical...he laughed his tail off at the
article. But >I am digressing. I am going to put Eevee
on to >explain his own self. [Eevee] Eevee? Eeeeevee
>eeve eveee. EEVEE!( What was Vulpix smoken? >The
Eevee of the world will unite to stifle this. For
>Eevee Everywhere. Sorry about that, I never should
>have taught him to type.( Calling aside) Eevee go
>play with Poliwhirl and Bulbasaur.(Eevee) Eevee!!
>Again I must apologize. For some reason that Eevee
>wants trouble. Just wait till I can capture a Vulpix.
>Then ill get the matter settled. Till then tell
Vulpix to >watch his back. Im afraid my Eevee is good
friends >with my Mewtwo and Mewtwo knows teleport. Get
>Vulpix a body guard for a good bit. (Aside) All right
>stop that. Im warning you...you asked for it.
>Charizard, toast attack Eevee. Excuse me again.
>Eevee will never learn...that's the third time this
>week. Im almost out of potions. Again I apologize for
>Eevee. Give a better spot to your Eevee and maybe
>this will help mine. Hopefully, things wont break
>dawn enough to where the is an Eevee's rights
>movement.

***

Okay, a few explanations are in order. First of all,
the Eevee is recovering well at the local Pokemon
Center. Vulpix has agreed to foot the hospital bill in
hopes of heading off potential lawsuits. You have to
understand that Vulpix was in a very agitated state,
and he needed someone on whom to vent his anger. As a
gesture of reconciliation, Vulpix asked to make the
following statement to Eevees everywhere:

VULPIX: Vulpix...vulpix vulpix. Vulpix vulpix. Vulpix,
vulpix vulpix--vulpix. Vulpix!!

I couldn't quite understand all of it, but he assures
me that other Pokemon will be able to decipher it. He
also asked me to tell you that he has enlisted my
Kangaskhan as his bodyguard. Kangaskhan will laugh at
Mewtwo's ineffectual attacks, then punch him into the
middle of next week. Just so you know.

Now, here we have a letter from the person who wrote
the original "Professor Oak--Professor Crap" letter.

***

>Subject:The Oak Thing
>
>hey, thanks for making the corrections on that thing
>in your garage. I hadn't realized you had done that
>yet. You see, I used to use oak when me and my
>friend shared a deck but that was the day we had
>first gotten cards and we had no skill or strategy
>whatsoever. however, you are right. oak is better
>than gambler, I don't really want to leave it to
>chance. I was afraid of decking out so i used
>gamblers for a while then i found out that the
>solution was to maybe use 3 bills instead of four and
>play safely. oak did save my butt. i had a kakuna
>out that wasn't quite strong enough to win me the
>game one time, and with 10 cards left in my deck I
>oaked and got a beedril who took my last prize.
>
>thanks a lot.

***

It takes a big man to admit his mistakes. And I hope
this finishes up this stupid debate once and for all.
He makes a good point about playing safely--you don't
HAVE to Oak. In fact, there are many situations in
which you do NOT want to Oak. But it's better to have
him and not need him than to need him and not have
him.

Unfortunately, that's about the end of the intelligent
letters for this week. This must have been the "Send
Spike incoherent, one-line emails" week. Read on!

***

>Subject:pojo
>
>hi

***

Hi to you too. Was there something you wanted to
discuss?

***

>Subject: decks
>
>How do i send you the decks stuff

***

You send the decks stuff to my e-mail stuff. then i
might post it on my garage stuff. however, if your
decks stuff is anything like your grammar stuff, don't
hold your breath.

Oh...I just love this one:

***

>Subject: you
>
>your a wild freak of nature

***

And if anybody has any idea what the hell he's talking
about, send your responses to the usual address...

I also got a letter from the guy with the "Special
Deck," but that's gonna have to wait for next time, as
we're running out of space.

SPIKE'S RANDOM THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

At the beginning of the year, my government teacher
told the class: "Democracy is a process, not an
ideology." In a recent flash of insight, I realized
the same principles could be applied to deckbuilding.
No deck is ever perfect. We have to be constantly
improving and trying new things in order to deal with
a changing environment. Rocket is almost upon us, and
I personally think it's going to change things a bit.
Maybe not a whole lot, but a little bit. So be
flexible.

That's all for this week. Now if you'll excuse me, I
have to go scream.

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