Hey, everybody! This is Spike. As part of my ongoing
effort to improve the general quality of the decks and
feedback that I recieve (not that I still don't need
fodder for Really Bad Decks, but more on that later)
I'm going to post a few of the letters I've gotten
that were notable for various reasons--usually not
good reasons, but that's life. If you recognize your
deck/letter here, don't be offended, please. (Except
for one person--but that comes later, hehe)
***
yo!
what's up?
I'm <CENSORED>.
I really want to be a deck mechanic at the PoJo, but
according to
Tyler,
there is already a surplus of mechs at PoJo.
I was wondering if you had any extra decks/e-mails
that are taking up
lots
of space in your inbox. I would love it if you sent
them to me, and
then I
could review the decks for you and send them back to
you completed and
ready
for posting, kind of like a deck Garage secretary. I
would really
appreciate
your support, and I'm not a stupid kid that puts one
of every card in
his
deck. I'm 14 and I used to be a good M:tg player. I
have a lot of
experience
with pokemon, but I want more. Please let me help you,
before your
collection of
e-mails drives you insane!
E-mail me anytime, about any poke thing!
Your friend,
<name and e-mail deleted>
***
I've gotten a couple of mails like this. To those
people who write in with aspirations like this: I
appreciate it. I really do. Unfortunately, as much as
I'd like to relieve the huge load of decks that sit in
my mailbox even as I write this (and which I really
should be fixing, except that even I can only do so
much at one sitting) I must do them all myself. People
who write in to me do so because they like MY work and
because they want ME to fix their decks, not some
"secretary." I may sound a little full of myself. I'm
not. I just don't want to cheat people like that.
Sorry. So no more stuff like this, OK?
Next, a deck which is by no means poor enough to be
bashed, but which has just a couple of flaws that keep
it from getting posted:
***
Fire Pokemon
2x Magmar from basic (quick damage)
3x Magmar from the fossil (more of a staller)
9 Fire Energy
14 total fire
Water Pokemon
4x Squirtle (needed for the evolution)
3x Blastoise (60 damage for a great water pokemon)
4x Articuno (another great water pokemon, but with no
weakness)
17 Water Energy
28 Total Water
4x Kangaskhan (yes, this does help)
Trainers:
3x ER
2x Pro Oak
3x Potion
3x Pluspower
3x Energy Retrieval
14 Total Trainers
My strategy is to get a magmar, or articuno, and then
use the er's
and potions to get up to a Blastoise. But, if the deck
i'm playing
against
is a grass deck, then I use the basic magmar with the
Pluspower to get
some
quick damage.
Tell me what you think about this deck.
***
What do I think? Well, it's halfway good.
Unfortunately, it's also illegal. You've got 5
Magmars--different sets, yes, but they're still
Magmars. And you've got Squirtle, Blastoise, but no
Wartortle...and no Breeder either. Whoops! This is the
beginnings of a decent deck, dude, so if you read
this, fix it and send it back. No hard feelings, okay?
This next deck...well, look for yourself...
***
4xCharmander
3xCharmeleon
3xEevee
2xVaporeon
3xStaryu
2xStarmie
3xProfessorOak
3xGustOfWind
1xComputerSearch
1xPlusPower
1xDefender
4xBills
***
Oops! No energy! Sorry, but that's kinda hard for me
to fix.
Now then:
***
From:"*CENSRORED"
To:"'Tyler@Pojo.com'"
<Tyler@Pojo.com>CC:"'me_god_u_jane@hotmail.com'"
<me_god_u_jane@hotmail.com>,
"'mjosh@hotmail.com'"
<mjosh@hotmail.com>, "'baseballace@hotmail.com'"
<baseballace@hotmail.com>,
"'protoss_warrior@hotmail.com'"
<protoss_warrior@hotmail.com>,
"'ladysdeckfixes@aol.com'"
<ladysdeckfixes@aol.com>,
"'Souper451@aol.com'" <Souper451@aol.com>,
"'pernspike@yahoo.com'"
<pernspike@yahoo.com>,
"'zluther@hotmail.com'"
<zluther@hotmail.com>
Subject:FW: hose em down ( by *CENSORED*)Date:Thu, 13
Jan 2000 13:57:49 -0500
Add Addresses
-----Original Message-----
From: **CENSORED**
To: 'Tyler@Pojo.com'
Sent: 1/10/00 3:40 PM
Subject: FW: hose em down
Hi. my name is *CENSORED*. I call my deck "hose em
down" its my
version of a raindance:
pokemon:
2 articuno (good against hay decks.)
1 lapras (mime killer)
1 ditto
2 squirtle (need for blast.)
2 blastoise (raindance)
2 seel
1 dewgong
2 magikarp (evo.)
2 gyarados (high attack)
2 dratini (evo, good against mime, no weak.)
1 dragonair (same as drat., hyp beam great)
1 dragonite (high attack, saves on retreat costs)
Trainers:
1 gambler (i believe its better than oak)
1 energy search (when I have an energy shortage)
2 super potion (the pokemon have high hp)
1 potion (just in case i dont need to remove 4 damage
counters)
2 poke breeder (for blastoise)
2 bill (DUH!, to get more cards.)
2 revive (just in case i dont get a blastoise or a
gyarados soon)
3 switch (for my higher retreat costs)
1 full heal (if a status effect occurs. confusion can
cause problems
for
my deck)
2 energy retrieval (counter for er and ser)
Energy:
23 water energy
The strategy for this deck is basically alot like the
other rain decks,
get that blastoise evolved so you can crush your
opponent with powerful
attacks quickly. poke breeder is in there so you can
evolve him in one
turn, possibly allowing 2 turn ko's.
***
Do you see the problem here? Well, the guy sent his
deck to Tyler, then proceeded to cc it to every other
deck mechanic. It's also not a great deck, but I would
gladly have responded (or maybe just bashed it, not
sure) had the guy not shown just how little disregard
he has for my precious time on this earth. Pass...
Next: My first piece of hate mail as a result of my
Really Bad Decks. This guy apparently misses the point
(namely, that it was his blatant disregard for the
rules of deckbuilding that caused his deck to incur my
wrath) and proceeds to inform me of this, taking the
opportunity to display his vocabulary. Let's have a
look, shall we?
>F*** YOU !!!!
F*** you too!
>YOU F***ING D*** LICKER!! YOU GOD D**N P***Y ... JUST
>BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO WASTE ON THESE
STUIPID LITTLE PIECES
>OF
>PAPER DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN TRASH TALK MY DECK!!!!
No, you're right. There were other reasons as well.
>LITTLE D*** LICKER!!
He keeps repeating this phrase...I think it's some
sort of a Freudian thing, but I can't be completely
sure.
>AT
>LEAST I HAVE A LIFE TO WHERE I'M NOT SITTING ON MY
A** 24 HOURS A DAY
>TALKING TO AN IMAGINARY FOX THAT BREATHS FIRE WHILE
READING PEOPLE'S
>LAME
>A** EXCUSES FOR DECKS!!!
Hey! He admits that decks like his are lameass excuses
for decks. Good for him! Realizing you have a problem
is the first step toward solving it!
>you're probably fat.
Which would, of course, no doubt have some direct
bearing on my ability to recognize crap decks like
his. I'm just not sure what. Anyway, if you haven't
read his deck, why not go do so? It's Really Bad Deck
#7, and makes for a good belly laugh. I contemplated
the possibility of posting his e-mail address, then
decided I wasn't quite that mad. Yet. Oh, yeah...he
also sent me another (16K) e-mail, which simply
consisted of the phrase "BURN IN HELL VULPIX!!!"
repeated approximately five million times. As such, it
was of questionable literary value, so I opted simply
to delete it.
Our last letter is not a negative one, strangely
enough. I just wanted to post it.
***
Hello my name is Chris. You have a nice style in
writing. Bravo. I must
get to the nitty gritty of the matter. You shouldn't
replace Vulpix. By no
means. Give Vulpix a special friend. Like an Eevee.
Eevee evolves with a fire
stone and is about the same size. If a Bulbasaur can
love a Gloom, I think
that a Vulpix and an Eevee can be amigos. Vulpix could
pick the bad parts of
decks and Eevee could pick out the good points. If the
discussion becomes
heated, have them battle in the back ground and you
finish the fix up. Maybe
you could use Eevee for good decks that get sent to
you. Just a thought.
Vulpix needs a little less stress in its life. For
Vulpix.
***
First of all, I was by NO means planning to replace
Vulpix. And I actually liked your idea. I showed your
letter to Vulpix, but he seemed a bit miffed at the
suggestion that he should share the spotlight. For
that and other reasons, I decided not to try this
idea. Vulpix offers a special mix of cuteness,
sweetness, and sadism that no other Pokemon can match.
But maybe we'll have some cameo appearances from some
of my other Pokemon, hmm? Thanks for writing, Chris.
Lastly...this isn't a letter, but it's something that
has to be said. Kudos if you kept reading this long
:-)
A while back, I posted a set of guidelines for my
garage. At the end, I said that any deck which did not
meet the guidelines would be summarily deleted. Well,
for one reason or another, I never got around to
following through on this threat. As a result, some
people got lucky.
Now, however, with school starting up again and my
mailbox overflowing, I find that I may have to enforce
these guidelines after all. The alternative is for me
to go insane under the pressure of what must be close
to 40 decks a week. And I don't think any of us want
that.
Just so we all understand, I'm going to briefly
restate these guidelines.
**THESE WILL GET YOUR DECK TRASHED AT THIS TIME**
-In evolution families, less than 3 of a basic or 2 of
a Stage 1
-More than a reasonable amount of singles
-Bad trainer choices (I mean REALLY bad, like
Pokeflute)
**THESE WILL *NOT* GET YOUR DECK TRASHED AT THIS
TIME**
-Stage 2 3-2-1 evolutions (still bad, but I'm not
trashing for that right now)
-Energy problems (unless you're running 5 colors, in
which case one of the above probably already applies)
-Anything for which an attempt at a reasonable
explanation is made
One last thing--let me clarify what I mean by
"reasonable explanation." Lack of cards is sometimes a
reasonable explanation, but not always. If you know
your deck is crap, and it's because you don't have the
right cards...that's fine, but it won't keep me from
trashing it. In these cases, don't tell me what your
deck IS--tell me what you WANT it to be when you get
the cards you need. That I can work with.
As a result of all this, there's some good news and
some bad news.
The bad news is that, by the time this gets posted, I
will have gone through my inbox and deleted all the
decks that fail under these criteria. Sorry, guys.
The good news is that, as a result of this, those of
you who put some time and thought into your decks will
get your responses a lot faster. I should have the
current batch all gone through by Monday.
That's all. Now I'm gonna send all this stuff in and
go to bed.
-Spike