Huh? What? It's time for an update? You don't say!
Sorry if this seems a little off-the-wall. I'm not in the best of physical shape
right now. Mentally I'm feeling pretty good, but as usual my physical body craps
out just when my higher reasoning centers need it most. Ah, well. What I get for
pulling an all-nighter right after a chess tournament.
Starting this update, there's going to be some changes 'round here. Part of what
I call the "kinder, gentler" Spike's Shed. What, you ask? Spike kind?
Spike gentle?
Oh yes, I can be plenty gentle when I want to be.
Basically, what this means is:
1) I'm no longer deleting decks that don't match my standards. It was an attempt
to lighten my load, but my heart wasn't in it. Therefore, I will be responding
to these decks now. The response will be a form letter, not an individual
response. It will explain that the deck is still too unpolished for me to invest
a personal tune-up in right away, and it will point out some of the obvious
areas where improvement might be made. Hopefully this will help people improve
their decks to the point where I can step in and start to work with them on an
individual basis. I will *still* be deleting in cases where people send their
deck to what seems like every single mechanic.
2) From now on, with the Really Bad Decks, we will be following a new system.
First Vulpix will do the bashing, and then I will attempt to do a rudimentary
fix of the deck. That way we can have a good laugh at the expense of these
idiots, and hopefully help them while we're at it. It's the best of both worlds.
Now then... your letters. Only a few this week (thank God) but there's some
pretty nasty stuff there among them.
***
>Subject: the new "special deck"
>
>Dear Spike and Vulpix,
>
>I was shocked to hear that my dec could even be >improved but then as I
>was
>taking a closer look at it I discovered that some of >your changes were
>right. I also discovered a few changes with the >cards that made
the
>deck an
>even bigger improvement. Instead of going with >those swamps I
thought
>a red
>theme would fit better. So I put in 4 Mogg Fanatics >so I can
sacrifice
>them
>for damage which fits the theme of the deck nicely. >I also put in
a
>couple
>of direct damage spells so when I sacrifice all four of >my moggs I can
>cast
>one of those and it rounds the damage up to the >nearest ten and they
>have to
>take a damage after I only sacrifice 4 creatures! >Also on the
potions
>I
>just write or Mountain after them and try to convince >then that I can
>either
>take away 2 damage counters or use it as a land. >For the Darth
Vader I
>decided to put a darth Vader with lightsaber instead >because in both
>pokemon
>and magic there's no attrition and a lot of people >don't know how to
>play
>the Star wars card game. With these changes my >deck's only
slightly
>bigger
>than my opponent's and if I squeeze it in a vice it >comes out to about
>the
>same thickness so it looks the same. I want to fly >down to alabama
or
>wherever that big tournament is so I can walk away >with the first place
>trophy. I might have to run away with it though >because there's no
way
>I
>could win so I'd have to steal it. Also I forgot to >mention that I
>exagereated my wins just a bit. It was really 51.5 >billion.
I'm sorry
>I
>lied but I just wanted everyone to think my deck was >so good. Also
>please
>tell me if this was the worst deck you've ever seen >because I was just
>thinking about one that would make you hit your >head against the wall
>repeatedly.
***
I just want to explain the rationale behind the negators, even though
everybody's probably forgotten this deck already. The reason was the widespread
damage caused by your own Pokemon self-destructing. If a Phyrexian Negator is on
the bench, it's going to take some major damage when Magneton or Golem
self-destructs. At that rate, you can bench yourself out pretty fast. Which, of
course, ties back into the theme. I hope I've cleared this up.
Oh yes. The Pokemon Lady coined the term "religious spam" for this
next letter, which somehow ended up forwarded to all the deck mechs. I won't
repeat what she said on the mechanics' mailing list about it, but it wasn't very
pretty. Here's this letter, after we sort through the miles of headers:
>Subject: Fwd: Shame on us
>
>This is so true and shame on us!
Us? Who's this "us?"
> Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and
>then wonder why the world's going to hell.
Who trashes God? I don't trash God. And who said the world was going to hell? I
suppose from an obsessive-compulsive-moralistic point of view, it might seem to
some to be going to hell. The rest of us call that "social progress."
> Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, >but
> question what the Bible says.
It's funny that oranges are orange, and apples are red. Don't you find that just
a bit strange?
> Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven >provided
> they do not have to believe, think, say, or do
>anything the Bible says.
Hmm... well, let's see. What about the coupla billion people in the world who
choose to believe in a religion other than Christianity?
> Or is it scary?
I'll tell you what's scary...
> Funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but
> still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes"
> in God).
Not funny at all. Your own rather narrow-minded worldview aside, you are
comparing two rather different things. Logically, it's quite possible to believe
in the existence of a supreme being and yet choose not to follow Him, Her or It.
I'm not saying what's right or wrong, I'm simply pointing out one of the logical
fallacies which seem quite abundant in your area of the religious spectrum.
> Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' >through
> e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you
> start sending messages regarding the Lord, people
> think twice about sharing.
Well, I don't share the jokes either. But there's quite a simple reason: The
current self-appointed representatives of Christianity have got to be some of
the worst salespeople this world has ever seen. They're like used-car salesmen
who belittle, insult and verbally abuse their customers, then wonder why
everyone goes to buy imports. If Jesus had a grave, he'd be rolling over in it
right now.
> Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene >pass
> freely through cyberspace, but the public
> discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and
> workplace.
Once again you're comparing two widely disparate things. Cyberspace is free
domain. You, too, are perfectly welcome to set up your own website and broadcast
your messages to the world. By the way... lewdness, crudeness, vulgarity and
obscenity are all in the eyes of the beholder. Namely you.
> FUNNY, ISN'T IT?
Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Hehehehehe. No.
> Funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ >on
> Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of
> the week.
An invisible Christian? Would that certain Christians *were* invisible. I'm sure
few people would mind if Jerry Falwell suddenly faded into thin air and was
never seen again.
> Are you laughing?
No. But thank you for asking.
> Funny how when you go to forward this message,
> you will not sent it to many on your address list
> because you're not sure what they believe, or what
> they will think of you for sending it to them.
I went to forward this message? No I didn't. Anybody I would have forwarded it
to would already have been alienated by the same message from other sources.
> Funny how I can be more worried about what other
> people think of me than what God thinks of me.
Erm....
> Are you thinking?
You don't want to know what I'm thinking.
Okay, before the deluge of hatemail begins... I'm not anti-Christian. In fact,
I'm a Christian myself, to the extent that I am anything at all. But I oppose
anybody and everybody who turns something potentially good and wonderful into an
outlet for hatred, bigotry, ill will, logical fallacies and God only knows what
else. This goes for many different organizations--including the Republican
Party, which I understand used to support minority rights back around the time
of the Civil War. (No offense to some of my good friends who are Republicans.)
But let me say to the sender of this e-mail: YOU ARE ALIENATING PEOPLE. YOU ARE
DRIVING AWAY ME AND OTHERS LIKE ME AS SURELY AS IF YOU WERE WHACKING US WITH A
LARGE STICK. TRY USING HONEY INSTEAD OF VINEGAR SOMETIME. YOU'LL CATCH MORE
FLIES THAT WAY.
Oh yes, your e-mail addy has also been blocked. Have a nice day.
And let me apologize to everybody else for turning a Pokemon site into a forum
for religious discussion. It was not my fault. I felt I had to respond to this
in some way, and so I did.
Now let's wrap this up...
SPIKE'S RANDOM THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
Pokemon Stadium kicks an unbelievable amount of ass. If you are, have ever been,
or will ever be remotely interested in the electronic side of Pokemon, get your
tail to a store right now and get your copy of this sucker. I'm already totally
addicted to it, and that's not easy.
Well, what are you waiting for? I told you to go get it!
Really... I mean it...
Okay. I'm going to count to three. One... two... two and a half...
Okay, fine. You win. Don't get the damn thing. You'll be sorry, though.
-Spike
Spike@pojo.com
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