There has to have been enough times when you

There has to have been enough times when you’ve pulled a card out of a pack, read it and thought ‘Good God! What the heck is the point of this stupid, stupid card?’ I’ve done that a lot, and it’s time to read the *TOP TEN MOST USELESS CARDS IN THE WORLD*

Giovanni – Well, this could be a little useful if Giovanni’s Pokémon were even worth evolving to start with, but then even if Giovanni owned the Base Blastoise this would still suck more than a toothless pig in a lollipop factory. You are not going to get this at the right time. You are not going to get a hand of Giovanni’s Machop, Choke and Champ, Giovanni’s Meowth and Persian and Giovanni. FULL STOP!!! It’s not worth Oaking or Searching for and all that, it’s just sad, daft and would only ever be played if Giovanni’s Pokémon were good!

Charity – My goodness moi, what absolute rubbish! Don’t get me wrong, but I thought the idea of a Pokémon Battle was to win by doing lots of damage. Reducing it is just dumb, and while the more imaginative among us asked if we could ‘reduce’ attacks by minus 100, we all know this card just sucks.

Porygon – I know it’s unoriginal, but then it sucks. Hey look! Oooooooh! I’m Porygon! I have 30 HP; I have a weakness to a type which is played a lot! I have a resistance to probably the least played Pokémon type in the league! Play me! I mess about with people’s weakness and resistance while I get kicked! Ooooooh! ‘Nuff said really

Professor Elm – I wouldn’t put it this low, but I want the world to know how much this card sucks! If I really need a Trainer such as Rocket’s Sneak Attack or a component to a combo I Oak till I get it. Elm just, well, stops you from decking out granted but preventing you from playing that Trainer you want. Booyah!

Rocket’s Snorlax – I am soooooooooooooooo angry with this guy! He came up to me and put his fat bum in the road and said ‘OOOOOHHHH! BEAT ME UP!’ Every Rocket Pokémon is broken. Moltres, Mewtwo, Hitmonchan, Scyther, Zapdos. Oh, sorry did I miss one. Yup – Snorlax. Bye!

Magikarp – Rocket or Base, who cares? Both are completely inconsiderable in today environment. Hey, look over there. Gyrados. Stage 1, and with 100HP??? 50 damage for (W)(W)(W), and a (W)(W)(*)(*) 30 damage and paralyse attack??? Let’s play it! No, let’s not. We’ve got that stupid carp lying in the way.

Shellder – This is a Pokémon that says ‘Kick my shell’. It’s feeble, tails-fails attacks and pathetic HP are about as useful as Bathroom Scales in a Space Shuttle.

Goldeen – OK, so Goldeen. What’s it got. 40HP – SO! We can get that from Staryu and have an extra 10 damage. 10 damage – SO! We can get that form Horsea and have a Smoke effect, Free Retreat – SO! You can get that from Scyther. Every aspect of the card is shown up and well, it should be wrapped in Newspaper and sold with chips ‘n’ salt.

BASE GASTLY – I know, I know this is unoriginal but come on. I’m not even going to say why! A coloured energy for a tails flip for Sleep? An expensive attack which is just, well a joke really and well PERFECT BOTTOM STATS!!! Nope, not really. Sneasel’s got that! Sneasel’s actually played.

Neo Electabuzz. – The card is not bad, but then it’s name is! ELECTABUZZ! NO-one will ever, ever, ever play this as it involves not playing the base version. Oh well. It actually has a lot of talents. Firewood, Wallpaper, Doorstop, Bookmark, Loo-Roll. The possibilities are endless.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. If you want anything or whatever, Da Wrath is here!