<lights go off, a picture of multiple TCG magazines come up on a screen>

 

 First off, let's get one thing straight.  The only magazine that doesn't give bad Pokémon TCG advice is Pojo's, of course.  The other magazines (I won't mention any names) all give horrible advice on the pokémon TCG, and dedicate most of their pages to Magic, anyway.  They all put horrible decks in their so-called guide sections of their magazines, and I think that it's a bad influence on people that are starting out in the TCG.  For example, one magazine that really bugs me is InQuest.  Let's take a look at their "ultimate" deck in their April 2000 issue.

 

<the picture changes to a picture of the deck>  Here's the deck and their "wisdom" on it:

 

Savage Garden

 

The Deck's Secret:

Ever watch a Venus Flytrap devour a helpless fly?  That's how your opponent's will feel when you devour him with this nasty grass deck <audience laughs>.  All of your pokémon have nasty poison and draining abilities; they make your prey soft and chewy, so they go down easy!

 

Pokémon Plays:

-Lickitung and Pinsir are your opening buds.  Mr. Mime, Squirtle, Abra and other favorite "openers" are all highly allergic to poison and confusion!

-Grimer and Muk are your midgame weeds.  Drain your opponent's resources with Muk's relentless encroachment of sludge!

-Venonat should sit in a cocoon on the bench until it's ready to spread its wings-Venomoth is your heavy hitter. <audience cracks up>  Its "double trouble" venom powder will end the game with a vicious series of incurable knockouts!

 

Trainer Tips:

-Bill, pokemon breeder and professor oak give you exactly the cards you need to set up key plays.

-Gust of Wind keeps your prey from escaping- wait until they retreat, then bring them back!  Item Finder makes it happen all over again.

-Switch lets you upgrade your active pokemon until Venomoth is ready to fly!

 

First off, let's look at this.  It's pathetic.  Who wrote it, a bunch of 1st graders?  First off, why the heck would you make an all-grass deck (keep in mind, this was before the rocket set came out) when all their attacks are so bad?!?  Not only that, but Lickitung is a stall deck pokemon with only 10 damage per turn, and there's only one Pinsir in this entire deck!  How can you expect to get opening buds when the flower is dead?  Fossil Muk and Grimer are far too weak to put in any deck.  The worst part?  They make VENOMOTH the star pokemon!!!  Its pokemon power is useless, its attack only does 10 damage, and you can just retreat to get rid of the status effects!  Instead of Savage Garden, this deck should be called House Plants.  Anyhow, here's the terrible deck:

 

Pokemon

3 Grimer

4 Lickitung

2 Muk

1 Pinsir

3 Venomoth

4 Venonat

 

Trainers

4 Bill

4 Gust of Wind

3 Item Finder

3 Pokemon Trader

3 Professor Oak

3 Switch

 

Energy

2 DCE

21 Grass Energy

 

 

Look at that, if you were a beginner reading that, you'd be tempted to use this deck, wouldn't you?  If they want a real pokemon expert, why not hire one of the Pojo staff instead of some Magic junker (Nothing personal to all magic devotees) who barely knows what a Magikarp is.  I think that these magazines need to shape up their act before we all start making these horrible decks!  Little kids that are reading these magazines start to think like Ash when they beat their dog in a match and think that they'll be "#1".  I have news for them, you're not even close!

 

What do you all think about magazines?  Do you agree with me or disagree?  Send all your comments to gen1551@usaor.net

 

Later,

Justin