"This sounded so good...  It really did..."

    Who said that?

    It was me!  Two lines ago!  Anyway...

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    'The Pokémon League'.  Say it out loud.  Let it roll of your tongue a few times.  Caress the juxtaposed Japanese and English as if they were the freak lovechilds of some big language thing...  A place where you go to, you sign up, you get special cards and you play to get more special cards.  Nice!  (But I don't suppose you have 'The Fast Show' in America to truly appreciate that last comment).
    But I hate this thing.  I honestly despise it - as well as the whole promotional card dishing out system!  Why?  Read on!

    Originally, I hated WotC (has anyone notice the spoonerism involved in that and 'Card of the Week'?) for not having a league in the UK.  I thought it would be great.  I'd turn up, I'd get a card - find out how to get more free cards - then thrash some people for points to win even MORE free cards.  Then thrash people in a tournament for boosters!  I sent them an e-mail, and received no reply.  I then search their site for ages.  I eventually found a list of UK League stores!  The link is (it may help you):

http://www.wizards.com/international/pokDefault.asp?xf=pok_uk_league_stores&sideLength=1750

EASY!

    I found the nearest store, and got excited.  Getting a friend, I set off (on a Saturday, as that was when it opened), and arrived there.  In darkest Dudley (have a look in maps of the UK, especially accent maps!).  Upon entry, there was a table where people did crosswords, more tables where people were playing and a load of children on the floor.  We signed up, and I asked about the free cards.  I received blank looks.  I then asked: "Do you have to get points to get them?". "Umm.. Oi guess so.  We don't give them stoit awoi."  Riiiight.  I thought you got them for free.  I then asked about tournaments. "It's opin from abowt noin tue tweliv, roit.  No torniments, loik, tho'."  So, I needed points!  I got a sheet, and looked blankly at all the spaces.  I asked another member of staff if you got cards for finishing the sheets, but she denied that fact, and showed me a perforated sheet of 'TMs' and some tacky plastic badges.
    It was the first time in my life that I sighed out loud.
    I then went on, did the crossword, beat some people, looked at their swaps then bogged off home to play against my friend - much more fun.
    The point of this talk being: I WANT PROMO' CARDS GIVEN OUT PROPERLY!

    I've got the film promo's.  I refuse to buy the CD, though.  The rest?  Unavailable in the UK except on import, as our Leagues don't give them out!  The only way we get those lovely Mews, Pikachus and Arcanines is to pay through the nose in seedy shops in seedy areas, where the assistants don't know the card names and you have to shout over the 'nu-metal' sounds pumping from their in-store radios.  Good Lord!  "'Twas the neares thing to a vision of Hell I'd ever seen, Sir" (But you don't have 'The Fast Show', do you?  I just can't help quoting it).
    I also want tournaments!  No tournaments at our Leagues!  Just playing people who have Magikarp decks (thought: wouldn't 'Hyperch' be even quasi-wittier?).  I investigated DCI tournaments, but only Magic: the Gathering ones operate as far as their website shows!

    I'm afraid that I need to wind down now.  That really is all I have to complain about at the moment (in this article).  Enjoy you temps libre,

Chris Fenwick
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caecilius@mac.com
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'Mega Joy Quiz Kimuki!'

An extra bit added to all of my articles.  People to send me the correct answer gets congratulated in my next article!

Task: Create a punchline to:

"What did the Scottish farmer say to his chicken?"

Enjoy!