Pojo's Anime -- Hellsing Order 01: The Undead

Written by Lord Tranorix

The series opens with images of a police force making its way toward the scene of some crime. These shots are brief and quickly followed by the image of a white car, which pulls up to a house and comes to a stop.

Meanwhile, we see a strange man (he’s our hero – more on that later) with yellow sunglasses, dressed all in red (including the hat) as he says something about a target being identified, and that he’s releasing a restriction to level three (presumably, he has a system by which he regulates his power).

A woman leads a different man inside of the house (from the ceiling of which centipedes fall regularly – it doesn’t seem to be kept very clean). He begins to ramble about how he wants to admire her beauty and that he was lucky to find her at some party, leading us to believe they are about to get…close to each other. Things start to heat up when, who should appear but the very same man from earlier, just as strange as before!

He’s sitting down, fairly relaxed, talking to himself about what he intends to do to the “target.” The man and woman are perplexed and don’t seem to know what to make of this intruder.

The intruder suddenly draws the same pistol he was loading earlier, pointing it at the man and instructing him to get out of the way. The man flees, the gun fires, and a bullet pierces the woman right through the head. But that’s not all; she disintegrates before hitting the ground. The man mutters, “Vampire,” finally aware that the woman he had picked up at the party was evidently a creature of evil.


The title flashes, and the next shot is of a dog – with a human arm in his mouth. A vampire lurches into the picture, eyes red; and we soon learn that this is a video, being analyzed. The vampire is a priest who was assigned to Cheddar Village. One month later, people started disappearing; and when the police investigated, all were killed. Two men are briefing a woman. She learns that London (this story takes place in England) has dispatched a unit of D-11. She also learns that half of the D-11 unit has been killed, and their attackers were the policemen thought to be dead. “They’re not human,” says the woman.

The men in the room with her don’t quite believe this statement. She goes on to berate them for taking the wrong course of action, and one man says that he is aware of something called the Royal Order of Religions Knights, the Hellsing Organization. The woman is Integral Hellsing, its leader; and she says that her forces are already in Cheddar Village. Her forces consist of…one person.


The next shot is of one person, and yes, it’s the very same man who shot that vampire lady earlier. He looks up at the sky, which is (somehow) blood red, with a full moon. “A great night,” he says, a smile on his face, “the kind of night that makes me want to drink blood.” Oh. I guess he’s a vampire too.

The show cuts to a shot of a police girl, Seras, jumping out of an armored vehicle and running toward a fallen policeman, named Jack. They’re two members of D-11. She begins administering first aid and looks pretty distraught, lamenting about how she promised she wouldn’t cry at a crime scene. Suddenly, Jack grows fangs – he’s become a ghoul. He attacks Seras, who quickly aims a gun at him. He lunges toward her; she smacks him with the pistol and runs back to the vehicle. While there, she notices that the rest of her fallen comrades are all rising from the dead. They approach her and she shoots one in the stomach. Shockingly (…), it doesn’t work! She runs again.


We now see a helicopter racing toward the crime scene. Integral is inside, assuring someone through a headset telephone that everything will be all right, that the agent she sent is perfectly capable of handling the situation.


Seras is still on the run; she runs out of breath, however, and notices another ghoul lumbering toward her. She raises her gun, realizing that this one also isn’t human, when a white-gloved hand comes from behind the ghoul and goes through its chest. Yup, it’s our hero once again, grinning, fully adorned in his rentsy outfit. He shared with Seras his earlier observation about its being a really good blood-sucking night, and she shoots him in the arm, now aware that he probably isn’t human either, before running away – again.

Our hero’s arm heals itself. “So, you shoot me because I’m not human?” he ponders, chuckling.

We see a quick shot of Integral in a helicopter as she adjusts a cross on her tie, then it cuts back to Seras, now walking (but quickly). She inevitably wanders into a graveyard, where she finds a church that she goes into, for some reason.

Inside is a friendly priest, to whom Seras begins to talk. She tells him that he is the likely target of her mission, but he looks normal; she is, of course, confused. He manages to put her into somewhat of a trance and draws her closer to him. The priest says that he wouldn’t turn her into a ghoul like he had the other humans, that her blood was unbelievably sweet. Seras threatens to shoot him, but she probably doesn’t mean it.

The door bursts open, and guess who it is! Seriously, guess. That’s right, it’s that crazy vampire with the red suit and yellow sunglasses. We finally learn his name: Alucard. We also learn that he’s a tool of the Hellsing Organization, someone who (in his own words) disposes of garbage. He tells the priest that he, in fact, is not garbage; he is the maggot below the garbage (ooh - brutal), going on to insult his outfit.

The priest gives the word, and dozens of ghouls – policemen/D-11 agents – emerge. Alucard doesn’t seem too worried, as he confidently struts forward, still grinning. The ghouls shoot Alucard to pieces, and he crumples to the ground, blood everywhere. Seras is upset (seemingly forgetting that she was terrified enough of Alucard to shoot him moments before). Alucard is gone.


Or…is he? Of course not, the series would suck if he were. We hear his laughter as the blood on the ground begins to retract, flowing into Alucard’s supine body. “Guns are useless against me!” he exclaims, grinning and sticking his tongue out. Alucard pulls out his silver pistol again and proceeds to obliterate all of the ghouls.

“We’re both vampires!” the priest pleads. Alucard informs him that instant vampires such as the priest are cockroaches, multiplying rapidly (looks like he’s prejudiced). He also says that he has his own reasons for serving humans, but the priest is not worth telling. Alucard aims his pistol at the priest, telling him that a silver cross was melted down to make the explosive rounds in the gun.

The priest finally realizes he’s still holding Seras, and he uses her as a human shield. “I know you can’t shoot her. You’re a servant of the humans,” he claims. Brilliant deduction! Perhaps it’d be a bit more brilliant if Alucard hadn’t told him seconds before. Oh well.

Alucard starts talking to Seras. The priest gets angry with Alucard for not paying attention to his rants (somebody needs a friend). Alucard tells Seras that he intends to shoot her in the lung, and he offers to turn her into a vampire and take her with him. She agrees, Alucard fires, and the priest dies, splattering blood onto a cross on the wall before vanishing into dust.


Alucard bends down and bites Seras in the neck. The shot fades out and we see Integral standing there with a bunch of military people (members of the Hellsing Organization). Alucard walks up, carrying Seras. He informs Integral that the mission is complete; Integral berates him for taking too long, then says she’ll call for a rescue of the police girl.

Alucard tells her no, that Seras is to join the Hellsing Organization. “You don’t make decisions,” states Integral. “This police girl made the choice for herself,” says Alucard. Integral lifts off in the helicopter, and Alucard says to Seras, “This was a great night…wasn’t it?” It was indeed, Alucard. It was indeed.

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