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How to Tell People Still on G2 to Piss Off

If you can’t get them to stop, there are at least ways to make their cheap play fruitless.

When I last talked about people who stay on Grade 2 to become the one to Legion or Stride first, I may have made a mistake. I assumed both sides were being rational in terms of moves made and decks built. How fucking foolishly naïve I was: the playerbase as a whole are morons. That includes both you and your opponent.

Ethically I didn’t have much of a problem with it, at least when I rationalised to its core. Every player who fights competitively plays in a way that reflects their payoff, and if taking the cheap route is the answer, then no matter how much of a dick move it seems, if it’s the most rational thing you can do within the rules, then they have every right to do so. Of course I still dislike stallers, but I disliked the people playing MLB and/or the End in 2013. That doesn’t mean I blame them since I’d do the same thing. And I did.

Tactically, I didn’t personally see the point to it. I saw it as a tactic that was not only cheap by nature, but also viciously futile as well. Even if they delayed the enemy, they would end up on about 4-5 damage and therefore when I DID Stride, it was usually the time I won, or came close enough to seal the deal the next turn. But then I remembered I hardly represent the community as a whole (much to my displeasure, I need more rational people to play) and so I decided to dedicate this article on how to hand the stallers their well-deserved ass.

I have tried to make the tips as general as possible, but keep in mind some of these tips are better when they are taken to extremes thanks to certain decks that work on these principles from the get-go. But as long as you have the vanilla framework, you should be able to do most of these.

1.     If you have the hand for it, don’t pussy out.

I’m assuming you’re going second here. Of course you are; the opponent wouldn’t try to stall otherwise. But really, the opening stages are the perfect time to take a series of cheap shots at the opponent, since the lower their Grade is, the less they can use to guard. Don’t hold cards back just because they look like they may be a bit useful later. The opponent is stalling only because they can afford to. Your job is to play in a way that makes it impractical for them to try. So take the two turns before Grade 3 to get at least two attacks in. Any more, lovely.

“But my deck’s defensive by nature,” I hear you say, “it doesn’t have the right stuff.” Bullshit. Even an Oracle Think Tank deck can throw down an 8k as a ride, use the Forerunner, put a 7k Grade 1 down and swing with both of them. Nobody’s going to go crazy with the skill abuse that early save for some very specific decks, so at this stage you’re trying to out-vanilla them.

2.     I could bang on about 12 Critical all day. Need I supply yet another reason?

If you don’t have the hand to put a field and attack, you should at least try and maximise the amount of damage inflicted. If you do have the field for it, all the better. If the opponent is suddenly on a high amount of damage, then odds are they’ll want to ride G3 first just for the chance at a Heal Trigger and/or more shield to not die. This is especially crippling to anything that relies on Mid Game to work since they lose their key pieces to guarding to stave off death and so they can’t fight back as strong. Actually, this basically describes all the people trying to stall, because if they played a deck that could go live Mid AND Late Game such as a Blau deck, they wouldn’t be stalling in the first place. Stands won’t do the same job as often as Crits: by relying on having RGs that early, you’re opening up the number of unfavourable situations in that deck. You want to streamline everything as much as possible.

3.     Seek to take as much early card advantage away as possible.

This is less a preventive measure and more a way to make sure the stalling sucks considerably less. If they haven’t a decent board to throw down by the time Stride happens, then it doesn’t matter since you save advantage on the guarding held back. Obvious choices for this strategy are Kagero and Narukami, since they have plenty of cards and decks that can kill things Early Game, but Revenger Shadow Paladin catering to both versions of Blaster Dark Revenger are pretty cheesy too. But otherwise, the two strategies above combined can eat guard up, if not smash the opponent to 4+ damage.

4.     Anything that can go live early and isn’t restricted to Legion or GB1 does well.

Deletors (or at least the decks coming later this November) don’t give a shit about the opponent’s Grade, for example. Otherwise (and I hate to cite one of my worst enemy decks) Sanctuary Guard Regalie decks can search their formation early and swing with ordinary cards even without the big main play. Generally, the earlier you can do your shit, the better off you’ll be. I know that this may be causing you to run shit you don’t want to, but if you’re still deluding yourself that Vanguard is balanced at this point you have my immense pity.

5.     Play a Grade 1 rush deck.

If you want to take the whole “He-Who-Fights-Monsters” approach, just take the delay GB1 and Legion tactic to a logical extreme. Do not attempt this on anyone you intend to see again. If it’s at a big tournament, go nuts. Perhaps you can run away before the angry mob tears your face off your terrified head.

Find out for yourself if I’m one of those stalling fucktards at saikyocardfighter@outlook.com