This Space
For Rent

Fan-Cards Are Just Power Fantasies  

Saikyo wouldn’t have a problem with cards designed by fans if they weren’t just masturbating over flashy finishers.

I am of the mind that trying to argue with anyone on a subject that they demonstrably know more about than you is futile and more often than not going to be intellectually dishonest. You wouldn’t argue with a professional photographer over lighting, because odds are she’ll shoot your arguments down in fucking flames. Unless you design websites for others and are bound to the whims of retards, in which case I would not blame you if you decided to call it fucking quits. On that note, fan-designed cards.

I have only ever met like one person who regularly designed cards and most of the time, it was simply because they liked an idea but couldn’t ignore a fundamental flaw. Funny thing is two of those cards actually got turned into real shit, just under a different name (I do not believe they are related but if someone on that forum is a Bushiroad spy that would be awesome!). But most importantly, they weren’t just fan-wanks designed to fulfil some idiot power fantasy; they were made to help whatever they were supposed to go.

It usually starts when I come across a blog post, usually on the Cardfight!! Vanguard wikia (the second largest gathering of morons apart from the Vanguard Pojo forums. I’m sorry, I love you guys really but it’s true) making up cards of their own, and then inviting people to post fan-cards themselves. Some are sensible, but most are just horrifying to watch. But whatever, let’s assume I was called to judge these as part of a contest or something. How would I deal with such things?

Well first, as soon as I can get over the appalling grammar on what is in front of me, I go reviewer-mode and look at whatever skills they have. Most of the time, the skills are stupid OP because of an extremely fundamental lack of understanding of how a card ought to be properly costed. Whenever a card is presented in front of me I break down every skill in potential output in an average scenario. That’s the main reason I (initially) declared Primavera as shit in a shiny ribbon: her timing is frankly appalling. People with no experience on what makes a card balanced tend to basically mess up the timing of their skills (such as not stating a rest, then lock clause for fan-designed Reverse units that activate on attack) or just simply going beyond the normal output for whatever cost you pay.

I would consider CB1 for a +1 to be a decent card; in fact that’s basically what Bushiroad are basically doing with their cost-ratios nowadays. For a large bulk of fan-cards I see however, they tend to have skills that provide far more than that when you break them down. Usually the cost is something they consider to be high such as CB2 and a -2 in some way, but then they immediately balls it up by providing a skill that washes in advantage and then provides one of the most bullshit finishers ever seen in Vanguard. Yes, sometimes even worse than a re-stand. A re-stand without context, usually, such as a G-Unit that doesn’t -1 in Drive Check. Which is fuck dumb without a cost of -4 or thereabouts owing to soft advantage of more trigger chance forcing more guard.

Basically, if I were to declare a fan-card to be good, it has to basically match my notion of cost-to-output ratio that is the precedent of existing cards, and also, if it is archetype specific, address a flaw that it has without suddenly pushing it into ridiculous territory. Or if not that, just make it relatively simple, since you’d be surprised at what you can do with a small reward. People who design these overpowered crap buckets tend to default to Grade 3s or G-Units. A minor Grade 2 or something would be something I’d rather look at if it means not having to watch whatever stupidly flashy and ass-destroyingly powerful finisher looks like, for those who actually APRECIATE Vanguard as a game of wits.

It’s stuff like this that leaves me with little patience for anyone who wishes to speculate on the skills of cards that have been announced but their skills are not confirmed anywhere. Whatever people usually come up with, it tends to be boringly overpowered or nowhere near what anyone was initially expecting. I cannot of course stop people from posting shit, but I’m just saying it wouldn’t kill you guys to research your game and make something that’s actually not game-breaking. I don’t give a shit if you must overcost it as a result. Just don’t make it an excuse to fan-wank over something boring/terrible/already pretty crazy.

In case you’re wondering, this is basically me saying that being a reviewer for Vanguard cards is actually pretty piss-easy once you know how to compare outcome to cost. Incidentally, why not email the boss and join us? Nanya needs a friend and I need someone to vent my frustrations on.

P.S I know that as a card reviewer, I automatically default to an initial opinion of it, unless I actually HAVE play-tested the cards and know that they are either gods among cards, or just a crock of shit. So having said that, I’ll re-review some cards having re-read their skills again to correlate with a few oversights.

It’s probably going to change nothing at all.

1.     Flower Princess of Spring’s Beginning, Primavera

Okay, at first, I thought it was pick two rear-guards to clone one lane. I didn’t realise that it was cloning a lane twice, so it could revive two rear-guard columns to attack with. The more you know. Unfortunately, most of what I said about her still holds true. Admittedly this can now mean it can actually plus you even with a full board, but I’m still not fucking paying CB3 for a crap Lambrose that only generates a +1. Not to mention that if you’ve cloned your way to a good board already it renders the skill sort of redundant, especially if your clone targets are already out of the deck because of all the other cards. I therefore give her a .5 higher score: Not entirely shit but still not worth the effort most of the time unless you need to push and you’re actually desperate.

2.     Phantom Blaster Dragon

So this guy can unflip three damage and not two as I thought. That’s literally it, though. I mean, it doesn’t change a whole lot in the end, does it. You’re still losing out if you want to use Phantom Blaster Overlord’s skill yet lack 3 open damage initially. And I’m willing to bet that save for something like new Macha you’re not going to have anything that eats Counterblast that quickly before it’s Break Ride time. And not being able to use the soul for anything else is still a big minus to it.

There. You may now submit your desire to be a card reviewer to the boss. I could do with a laugh.

Recommend a way for me to change my sales pitch at saikyocardfighter@outlook.com