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Ge-Arrrgh Chronicle: G Start Deck 1 

Saikyo tries to figure out who the G Start deck is actually for.

Following up on my previous article on how it never pays to set your expectations too high, I figured it would be the perfect segue regarding the introduction to THIS article. Because to be quite frank, this new English-exclusive release is pretty much a prime example of misplaced trust, largely since this deck had a lot of hype built up for it which it promptly stomped all over like worm-charmers on the wet soil.

I will freely admit that any sort of deck that comes out of a box is not expected to be useable for a competitive setting save for Legend decks. Well, not practically, anyway. But from what we knew of the title, people were sort of expecting the deck to contain some staples that weren’t exactly rare but were very much needed for a halfway decent deck, like Steam Breath Dragon. Made sense at the time since there were two printings of it, so it was a reasonable guess. But as I said, only the finished product matters, and since I was never invested in Gear Chronicle outside of G Regulation (which I have a feeling the new Legend deck will sort of shit on), like a Middle Ages housewife emptying the chamber pot from the top bedroom window, I just waited to see how it’d pan out.

Warning signs started appearing when a preview of the box came out featuring Relic Master Dragon and Fate-wheel Dragon. One card was something virtually nobody paid attention too and the other was basically a fail-con Grade 3 that was sort of competent but wasn’t really eye-watering. Frankly, I could not think of a worse way to promote the deck save for plonking Dragonic Overlord’s anime art on the front as if it were an actually endorsed Chinese knockoff. And now we actually have the full spoilers (thank fuck for leaked internet images in this age of technology) this somehow only makes everything infinitely worse.

Where does one even reasonably start with this All-Stars gathering of boring cards? Most of everything here is basically reprints from the Trial Deck or G-Booster 1. Those that aren’t are basically the main reasons to even invest in the fucking thing in the first place, since Mesh-he is a promo originally and exists nowhere else. The problem here is a sense of timing. Lots of the GB1 support meant for rear-guards don’t spring unless a warp to deck happens. And off the top of my head, Fate-wheel needs to be ridden so if it’s a first Ride no dice, and Relic Master, which comes at what, 2 copies? I hope you enjoy the sensation of absolute bare essentials because you’re going to find yourself doing nothing but! I’m being serious here: the large bulk of it are units with nothing to do except function as boosters and attackers with only a barest hint of what the fuck the deck is supposed to be used for.

Actually there’s a thought: how are we for G-Units? It’s filler, and to be honest that is the kindest way to describe it. Pretty much the only thing that beats Colossus in the department of doing basically fuck all is Harmonics Messiah (and Heat Element Magnum if one wishes to be a bit more obscure) because it is the worst type of card: a resource eater for advantage you can’t even do anything with. It only exists for another Drive Check and a meaty column for a turn.

One can argue I suppose that the whole point of releasing this thing is to basically give people something to mash together with their existing Gear Chronicle deck, even if it’s only to cherry-pick the best things from it. But then I thought about who that could possibly apply to, and it basically wound up like trying to explain the good points about my friend’s girl: extremely painful once I came up dreadfully short. Pros don’t really give a shit about this since what good is in this deck would have already been picked up online and will probably have nothing it can replace, so small children without a credit card and an eBay account are the only ones that remotely care. In fact, it’s extremely cruel of Bushiroad because the savvier of us picked up that it’s a waste of money, but at the same time a promotional code for a certain card for online play is wafting under our noses like the mildew of the worst of otaku society. Which can only be gotten if we’re prepared to part with like nine of our US dollars.

It all sort of falls down when people argue that this deck is designed to introduce newbies to Gear Chronicle. And like this travesty of a deck, I don’t buy that. If someone wanted to start with GC it would make a lot more sense to buy one of the two Trial Decks already available, since at least it has staple cards in it that already appear in the G Start deck along with several other options that make the deck less boring to use, including Chrono-fuck-mothering-jet Dragon. Really, this entire thing only exists to act as a supplement to the existing deck that the purchaser had, which is again, sort of a dick move, making people without a way to order online waste 9 dollars for a deck that’s approximately ¾ junk.

So, assuming that one can at the very least gain access to internet spoilers (and I don’t see how they couldn’t unless their parents actively shun technology because they’re fucking hermits, which is the only excuse I’ll take) this deck doesn’t really appeal to anyone, except for people who literally cannot gain access to any more copies of G Booster 1 and want Gear Wolf. It’s for casuals only. I guess it’s fair enough to target only those people who play casual, as they are the ones that are most likely to buy cards at their source and don’t particularly give a shit about what works, but I think Bushiroad’s sights were WAY misaligned on this one. By having such crap in the G Start deck, they narrowed down the available audience still further: nothing new that is also GOOD is included here and so only small children who only intend to play in the small pond that is their locals will ever want to pick this up. Except a large bulk of TCG players are a bunch of grown up man-children, and their pockets are way deeper than kids surviving on their parent’s pocket money. That’s why being an adult kicks ass. I have loads of cards, and that crying little shit’s probably only got like 1 Ragnaclock Dragon that they can’t even use properly.

Wonder why a test I took recently said I would be good with kids at saikyocardfighter@outlook.com