Get the MTG
Interactive Encyclopedia
from Amazon.com

White Weenie Onslaught Version 2.0 - By John Hornberg (AKA The Doofy Deck
Builder)

But why 2.0, John? There never was a 1.0!

Because I felt like it, now be quiet and read!

Also, and I hope Pojo is okay with this, in order to keep my name sononomous
with the word "inexperience," I have made my web name the Doofy Deck Builder
over my real name.  You people should be glad I took that over  -!

Oh, wait!  I'm not allowed to say that!

Trust me,  this article illustrate the personality, hoo, hoo!  Both the
inexperience and the insanity! Hoo, hoo!

Also, keep in mind, It sounds better to me when I read it, because I know
how to make it funny.  It takes a special kind of reader to do so, and I
hope you are.  If you aren't, just enjoy it and learn.

We are all here to learn, aren't we?

This article is ment to show those of you lucky people what an ideal White
Weenie Onslaught deck should look through the eyes of the the all knowing
Doofy Deck Builder.

Well, not all knowing.... Okay, okay, so I'm a doofy Sacramentan who plays
Magic (A very odd combo), big deal! Here's the deck:

Creatures (18)
4 Soltari Trooper
1 Soltari Champion
4 Soltari Foot Soldier
1 Fountain Watch
4 Long Bow Archer
1 Soltari Visionary
3 Benalish Trapper


Instances (3)
2 Enlightened Tutors
1 Scour

Artifacts and Enchantments (19)
2 Crusade
4 Glorious Anthem
2 Opalescence
4 Empyrial Armor
1 Worship
5 Rune of Protection: - (One of each: Red, Green, Blue, Black, White)

1 Pearl Medallion

Lands (20)
2 Ruins of Trokair
3 Forbidding Tower
1 Serra's Sanctum
2 Quicksand
12 Plains

Cool, huh?

Now, I'm going to go card by card, and I'll try to keep it as good as
possible, while mixing in a few bits of strategy.

That probably means it'll stink, but bare with me, okay.

Okay.

The point of the deck before I go card by card is obviously White growth,
the highly unheard strategy that involves playing enchantments to bulk up
creatures.
Wow (Say it with a long o, like Ben Stein).
This kind of deck is rarity among the extended community, especially with
the Cataclysm/Sotlari Priest strategy out there for everyone's taking.
My strategy could be more potent, but that one is a lot better when it comes
to sticking red with a creature it can't do anything about!

But not this one!  I have a way around that because guess what? ... THIS
DECK WAS A CATACLYSM DECK!

AHH HAA HAA HAA HAA! Ooo, a tear comes to my eye just laughing about that!

Here are the major contributors to this deck:

Crusade - The age old classic. We all love crusade, and since is an
additional bonus of putting certain 2/2's such as Meddling Mage out of the
horrid Shock's reach.  The downside is that it only effects White creatures,
so if by some weird reason you come up with another creature, oh, let's say
blue, it's still what ever it was when you got it.  Another problem with
Crusade is that it effects all there creatures too!  This can be a recipe
for disaster when it comes to white against white, or against your deck
against Blue/White control.
Yes, I'm going to kill all your speed, AND I'll take advantage of that
Crusade!
Avoid this by playing some form of brick wall, be it an enchantment like a
C.O.P., a R.O.P., or even an actual wall.

Glorious Anthem - Same deal, and I play four of these over crusade for one
simple reason - these were more readily available than Crusade.
Yes, it's the old 'If they don't have it, there's always some other form of
it' routine.
You'll find that a lot with certain cards, especially with Demonic Tutor and
Vampric Tutor.

Empyrial Armor - The big one.  The great one.  They are in for it if you can
run four of these bad boys!  "Maro-Armor's" goal is extremely basic - play
as few lands and spells as possible to keep the creature as large as
possible.
I haven't met one opponent who liked having a a nice, fat 12/12 Sotari Foot
Soldier coming at them.
Huge shadows, not pleasant.

The major point of all the cards above is to make it so burning my creatures
a complicated task, as opposed to a simple shock, or even Kindle.
Have I mentioned I've been Kindeled to death?
Very Unpleasent. It goes 2, 3, 4, 5 and then wham! Your dead with some other
propostorous burn spell.

Here, Shadow is another crucial part of the strategy.  It allows you to get
around people's Blasoderm's and various big walls, because there are no
shadow walls to my knowledge, and last I checked, the ever great Blastoderm
didn't have shadow.
It had fading.
Yes, people go on about how great Blastoderm is, and yet, it's so easy to
get around with a shadow. Hmm, that's odd.

There are creatures that can block shadow, but the only place you'll see
them is in sideboards. So the threat is minimized.  Of course, we need non
Shadow creatures to do some dirty dirty cleaning, like oh, let's say GETTING
RID OF THOSE AWFUL BLASTODERMS!!!

Here are the rutheless slobs responsible for racking up the damage for the
home team! (heh, heh. Shut up, John!)

Soltari Foot Soldier - A simple 1/1 shadow.  Nothing else.  Not much to look
at.  Is only intimidating when you put Empyirial Armor on it.  It's only
real purpose is to provide quick creatures.

Soltari Trooper - A 1/1 for two mana that becomes a 2/2 when it attacks.  A
little better performer than the card makes it out to be.

Soltari Champion - In to add the extra ump in the attack, the extra kick in
the back side to overcome an opponent. Only one is needed because it's not
ment to be a huge contributor.

There are a few middle ground creatures, as well.  They do some of the clean
up, like enchantment destruction.

Soltari Visionary - Two things make him great - His shadow, and his ability
to blow up enchantments. Makes cards like Disenchant obsolete.
Almost.

Longbow Archer - A two white first striker, for whom is a 2/2, that can
shoot flyers down.  Very helpful when you look at the rest of the deck and
realize HE'S THE ONLY PROTECTION FROM FLYING HERE!!

And of course, our resident defenders to protect things from people.

Benalish Trapper - The tap ability that he has can save games. The "Trapper
Effect" keeps rancid things like Avatar of Will tapped when it attacks,
adding in a semi-Ice Floe'ish like ability if you are willing to spend the
white mana each of your opponent's turns.  This doesn't solve the Blastoderm
problem, but there are other protections for the Blastoderm problem, like
R.O.P. Green.

Fountain Watch - Shields the enchantments.  Now, especially with Opalecence,
it makes my enchantments suseptable to Burn as well as the Black "Kaboom!"
effect.  This prevents it, and at a sturdy 4 toughness it is hard to take
out.

Before you forget about sorceries and instances, you must remembeer that
there is a great purpose for them.
Yup, all three of them!

Enlightened Tutor - Yes, get's me what I need, when I need it, like a R.O.P.
or that Opalescense that will make for a horrid beating of the opponent.  No
white deck should be without it, because no white deck should be without
some form of inhibiting enchantments, much like blue with counterspell's.

Scour - Bring me your Moats! Watch me throw the sponge in it. Then who's
laughing.

Then there are the add-ins and other what nots that help with little meanies
like Blastoderm.
Here they are:

R.O.P. - All five colors, and they cycle!  Play this over C.O.P. becase of
the cycling ability, and the best part about these cards, and this makes me
all warm in side, it .. DOESN'T TARGET THE CREATURE!!!
Take that Blastoderm!
And you too, Creature with Diplomatic Immunity!
The last resorts of the deck, and when not needed, they cycle for a card
that should be more useful.

Pearl Medallion - An artifact that knocks down spells, I'll take that over
the familiars, despite the better deal I get from the familiars.

Worship - Give me a better card for this deck, and I'll give I'll give you
the meaning of life.  Worship is one of the better suited cards for this
deck, especiially since I don't run Cataclysm, another one of the gratest
cards or all time!
One is good because I obviously can get it with the Enlightened Tutor.

Now for the lands. Wee, the baby stuff!

Plains - Well, what else am I going to play, forests! No, no, no, Islands!
Or maybe Swamps! Pfffft!  You'd have to be extemely dense to forget the
plains.
It's like that old lady in the old commercial, who popularized the phrase,
"Where's the Beef!"
Yeah, me saying, "Where the plains?!?"
There's a sight.

Forbidding Tower - The extra land that makes a nice big creature to stop
Blastoderm.  Everything's about stopping Blastoderm because everyone plays
Blastoderm.
It maybe Forbidding Watchtower, I forget, and I don't want to reach for my
deck right at the second, just remember that it's in Urza's Legacy.

Quicksand - Helps to shoot down such things as Rootwater Thief and other
rotten annoyances of the sorts.

Serra's Sanctum - What we call, "Mana Reproduction." Go figure, 19
enchantments, Tell me this doesn't this fit!

Ruins of Trokair - Speeds up Mana, and, yes, I am quite aware of that there
is a card called Remote Farm that is a little better.  You can control mana
a little better with this, but Remote Farm is perfectly fine.

Well, that covers everything!  Keep in mind when playing this deck, when it
comes to sacking the Ruins, if you can speed up your play by doing it, then
DO IT!
No waiting in this deck, because waiting will get you killed.

Okay, here's my little Afterward comments for you.  What I was trying to do,
wasto provide strategy with a spash of stupid humor, and if it worked, let
me know. If you hated it, let me know.  I'm open to comments. Please, though
be detailed. Tell me why you disliked it.  Tell me WHY you liked it.  I want
to know!

Before I sign off, I must give a few prop's and slop's. I read Spike's Scrub
article, and prop's to him!  It takes a lot to tell a mass of people that
they need to improve something.  Not to mention that I came from pokémon
about nine months ago, and I was a both a newbie and a scrub.

I'll admit it.  My Warped Devotion article just stunk.

And slops to Star City, those critics are obviously wrong.  It was rather
harsh to come  down on a relatively new sight, and if I could be more vulgar
and mean, I would, but I have common sense, and won't.

There, NOW I can sign out!

Signing Out,
John Hornberg, the Doofy Deck Builder

A reminder to the reader - If your going to send me an e-mail, send it to
promiseland85@hotmail.com, and remember that I, being the paranoid, snotty
person that I can be, RESPOND TO EVERYTHING I GET IN MY MAILBOX!