Massacre Girl – MTG War of the Spark Review

David
Fanany
Player
since
1995

I suppose this will end the pre-Guilds of Ravnica speculation that Judith might be Massacre Girl. Or perhaps not, since this is the internet!

Somebody inside Wizards of the Coast really, really didn’t like those Selesnya saproling decks from the first Ravnica block. Between Massacre Girl and Goblin Chainwhirler, there’s pretty much no chance of token decks getting out of hand in Standard. Actually, Massacre Girl has a lot of potential beyond that, too – the fact that killing a herd of Saprolings (or similar creatures) gives you a number of additional triggers equal to the number of members of that herd means that there are situations, especially in multiplayer, where she’ll be taking down krakens and Eldrazi with relative ease.

This could make her rather situational, especially in the midrange-heavy metagames that a lot of formats have right now, but she’s also in the right color to interact with cards like Grave Pact which give you a lot more aggression. Creating your own tokens, controlling Grave Pact, and casting her to destroy fifteen opposition creatures and leave yourself with a 4/4 with menace is a strong sequence in multiplayer.

Of course, things arguably don’t get truly insane until you cast Momentary Blink on her . . .

Constructed: 3/5
Casual: 5/5
Limited: 4/5
Multiplayer: 4/5
EDH/Commander: 4/5

She might pale in comparison to a certain wurm with her epithet, but Massacre Girl promises to do a lot of killing. A whole lot of it.

On her own, she’s a 4/4 with menace for 5 mana that gives all other creatures -1/-1 the turn she comes out. But if something else dies, then more -1/-1 triggers start loading up…and this can happen in response to her first triggered ability. This can start snowballing if, say, there are creatures with sequential toughnesses on the board (or multiples with the same toughness). If you choose when you cast her carefully, it’s possible that Massacre Girl is a 5-mana board wipe that also dispenses with indestructible creatures, normally beyond the purview of a board wipe. And she’s still there as a 4/4, since it wouldn’t do if she’s the victim of her own massacre, right?

She’s not going to be an all-star, but there are ways to make Massacre Girl a very impactful creature immediately, thanks to how her trigger happens. Do keep in mind that the chain of -1/-1 effects is only the turn she comes down; every other time, she’s just a 4/4 with menace…which is an okay place to be, all things considered.

Constructed: 3.5
Casual: 4.25
Limited: 3.75
Multiplayer: 4
Commander: 4