Place: Primetime Sportscards in Zion, IL

Time: 9:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m.

Another One Bites the Dust (a Tr0gd0r production)

2 Goblin Attack Force

1 Tribe-Infecting Virus

1 Breaker the Magical Warrior

1 Kycoo the Ghost Destroyer

1 Witch of the Black Forest

1 Nobleman of Crossout

1 The Forceful Sentry

3 Mystical Space Typhoon

1 Ring of Destruction

1 Call of the Haunted

Now, you're probably thinking, "Where's the Invasion of Chaos?" Well, I don't have any deckworthy IOC cards yet. Besides, Bill isn't letting anyone use IOC cards in his tourneys until the restriction list comes out. So let's all go to the tourney, let's all go to the tourney, let's all go to the tourney, kick ass and take some names.

I arrived fairly early, paid my entry fee, and bought an IOC pack. It had crap. Then Cody came, we set up tables, and Bill came in with his big dry erase board to call off pairings. Turns out I was one of the first to be called.

I'd never seen this kid before, but he played pretty well with what seemed like an Archfiend deck, although it had non-Archfiend cards in it that I saw in the second duel. In this one, though, he was smoking me early on. After I Spear'd his Desrook for a paltry 100 damage, he summoned a Vilepawn with Fair Meteor Crush and Axe of Despair. Ouch. Next turn, I set Sinister Serpent and ended. He paid 500, added Black Pendant, and hit me again. Then I drew MST, took out his Axe, summoned a Gemini, and took him out, at the expense of 500 more LP. He set a monster and ended. I Crossed it, summoned some other 1900, and attacked. He couldn't muster a defense, and I won the next turn.

The only thing I remember about this duel was his Giant Orc taking out a 1900 of mine. After that, I smoked him. Game, set, match.

This guy ran a weak beatdown with some life gain cards (talkin' 'bout Poison and Dian Keto). In this duel, he didn't stand a chance. I hammered him with Spears and normal 1900s. He did manage to use Bottomless Trap Hole on my Vampire Lord, but that didn't stop me.

This was tough. I had a terrible hand, he got Summoned Skull out early, and I died.

Early on, he attacked me directly with a Giant Red Seasnake and I threw the Book at it. I took it out with a Spear next turn, and the rest is history.

This guy runs hand disruption, beatdown, and warriors all in one. It's kinda weird, but it works. Anyway, I really don't remember this duel, except that my 1900s overwhelmed his Dons. That was good, considering he got Forceful and Confiscation in his opening hand.

He used Forceful and Delinquent on me in consecutive turns, overwhelmed my monsters with Bazoo, and Yata-locked me. Ouch.

I was beating him down considerably in this duel. Towards the end, I had about 6700 LP to his 1800. It was his turn. I had an Archfiend in face-up attack with Call on it, a Spear in face-up defense, and a Book of Moon face-down. He had nothing at all. Anyway, he played Premature Burial on Goblin Attack Force, played United on it, and ended. I threw the Book at it and Spear'd it for the win.

I overran him with Jinzo, D.D. Warrior Lady, and I had a little help from good ol' Book. I took no damage in this one.

Jinzo killed him again. At one point, I had a Goblin in face-up defense, and he attacked it with Spear, and I threw the Book at him again. Next turn I summoned another Goblin and it was all over. Turns out that was the first time I've ever beaten this kid.

Round 5 (semifinals)

Me vs. some kid (can't remember the name)

Took no damage and beat him. 'Nuff said.

Ouch. Just ouch. He gave me a bunch of chip shots and somehow beat me in the end.

This was slaughter. Well, not really. I got a considerable amount of damage on the kid before he beat me.

And so, it ends. But does it really? No, it doesn't.

So I was playing at Wendy's across the street, right? And these punk-ass little skateboarder guys are looking in at all the duelists through the window and laughing at them. So I go out to them and I says, "Hey, what do you jackasses think you're doing?" And they says, "We can skateboard wherever we want, bitch." So I says, "No, that's not what I'm talking about. I just want to know what you guys have against Yu-Gi-Oh." So one of them says, "It's gay." And I says, "Why?" And he says, "Cuz it just is." And I says, "Answer my question, dumbass." So he says, "It's gay cuz you pay money for cardboard." And I says, "So? You pay money for pieces of wood. How is that any different?" And he says, "Cuz it's wood. And cuz skateboarding's cool and Yu-Gi-Oh's gay." So I says, "Have you ever even played Yu-Gi-Oh before?" A couple said they had, but I didn't believe them. And so the exasperated skateboarders left, with some of the other duelists who wanted to see what was going on shouting profanities at them. Later on I had a heart-to-heart with Bill, and he told me that he'd learned the hard way that you should keep your temper in check and just ignore people. When we saw the skateboarders returning to Wendy's, Bill decided to go over there and give them what's for, perhaps even get the Wendy's manager to bust them for loitering. Whether he actually did bust those asswipes, I may never know. Also in the aftermath, I pulled 2 Chaos Sorcerers from packs. If you don't know what that card is or what it does, check Pojo's spoiler. Anyway, I think it could be pretty good, at least until I get Chaos Soldier and Chaos Emperor Dragon. And now, comments.

To all the guys I faced for giving me good matches.

To that kid for being a really good duelist, despite being 9 years old.

To Book of Moon, for being my [insert brand name here] Peak Performer (honorable mentions to Jinzo, D.D. Warrior Lady, Ring of Destruction, and MST)

To the several IOC packs that I bought for sucking.

To Bill for giving me a dollar in exchange for the Giant Red Seasnake that I pulled from a tourney pack.

To the skateboarders for being idiots.

To Profpoke for putting up with all the swearing in this tourney report (wink, wink).

Have any questions? Comments? Marriage proposals? It's all good. Except that last one. Just e-mail me at kungfuaxedemon1000@yahoo.com