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Pojo's Yu-Gi-Oh Card of the Day

Infernal Incinerator
Common

This card can only be Normal Summoned or Set by discarding all card(s) in your hand to the Graveyard except this card, as well as Tributing 1 card with ATK 2000 or higher from your side of the field. Increase the ATK o this monster by 200 points for each monster on your opponent's side of the field. Decrease the ATK of this card by 500 points for each monster on your side of the field, except this card.

Type - Fiend/Effect
Card Number - EEN-EN012

Card Ratings
Traditional: 1
Advanced: 1

Ratings are based on a 1 to 5 scale 1 being the worst.
3 ... average. 5 is the highest rating.

Date Reviewed - 01.02.06

ExMinion OfDarkness	Infernal Incinerator Wow...it's amazing what cards they try to make kids think are good by using them on the show, isn't it? Let's look at this card step by step. You have to give up your whole hand (HORRIBLE) and a 2,000 ATK monster on the field (Doable, but still painful) to Normal Summon this card.(eww, should have been special). It starts out at 2,800 ATK (good), gains 200 for each monster the opponent has (meh at best) and loses 500 ATK for each additional monster you have out (bad, don't even think of playing Scapegoat...) Even if you only lose one card in hand to bring this guy out, it's still a horrible card that no one should ever play. ANY Beatstick + United We Stand or Mage Power = better than this. 1/5 all
SandTrap	Infernal Incinerator COTD The hard summoning requirements and adverse effect makes this card a huge steaming pile of donkey $h!t. Perhaps you can...tribute your Goldd for Infernal Incinerator and discard more Dark World monsters? I think not =/. Rating: 1/5 Don't be surprised if I give 1's to all of this week's COTD Reviews...
Coin Flip	I received a fair response to my cotd last Thursday. I say "fair" in that it's produced more responses than any other piece of work I've put out, but really, I got fourteen e-mails. Two of them don't count since the authors are from my card shop. Three of them were scathing of the writing. Nine of them liked it. Good ratio, imo. EDIT: I received one more this morning, but it wasn't really concerning the review so much as it was responding to my jocular bashing of high school. I like high school, to tell the truth. Just not the part where you're forced to do work ad tedium, and the part where the only reward for your work is a letter which will not mean a single effing thing in as few as four years (I am not kidding. Past college applications and scholarship applications, those letters and numbers don't mean ***). And if you're actually smart, it's worse because you can spend weeks on a topic that would take you minutes to learn. But I digress. I am trying to make my writing more succinct, and my tangential discussions are not helping. NOTE: If you want to skip all the unimportant detail and explanation, there is a nice large gap several paragraphs down that gives a short summary without boring detail and the actual review (which is an awesome review for those of you who miss my normal writing style). On a whole… Well, let me put it like this. The concept was to take several real-life topics and discuss them in such a way that they lightheartedly linked back to the game and to an incident where someone played Sangan with TWO search targets, both of which were much more reliably retrieved with Reinforcement of the Armyzorz. I failed. Miserably. Although I will say that I had a time restraint to work on (I posted the cards for this week when noone else had… At around 1 AM Monday) even half an hour would have been enough to see what was wrong, considering the intended goal, and fix it. And although I disagree with others when they say it was failed writing in general, I will say that I could have done much better. I'm going to be blunt here. I am smart. Very smart. My mind follows its own tracks. If I'm bored, I have been known to be quite for up to three hours just thinking. The ride to and from San Francisco in December is fair evidence thereof. What most people don't understand when they find a sudden, unexplainable gush of knowledge coming from me about a topic you'd think I know nothing about is that I actually do a fair amount of thinking about multiple topics on my own. I saw Kong recently with a few friends. At the end of it, they were tearing up. Not me. I don't tear up. I get philosophical. So the article was influenced by these little philosophical moments I have. This little personality quirk is not exactly something I tell many people. Primarily because noone gives a flying <pojo_rulez>*. Considering how much thought I'm capable of putting into something, I'm disappointed. As a quick refresher... "The concept was to take several real-life topics and discuss them in such a way that they lightheartedly linked back to the game and to an incident where someone played Sangan with TWO search targets in his full deck, both of which were much more reliably retrieved with Reinforcement of the Armyzorz." I took several real-life topics, but I think I failed to present the link between those topics and the Yu-Gi-Oh! TCG quite badly, and I failed to do so in a light-hearted fashion, and more importantly, I failed to do so succinctly. The writing rambled. No matter WHAT you write, if you want it to be good, you need to write it succinctly. That said, the words were well-chosen and conveyed the idea powerfully if not succinctly. The grammar and spelling (trite issues as they are) were in the near-perfect to perfect range. Communication of the topic… Eh. This is where I failed. I rambled and I failed to accomplish the task in an entertaining way, or completely. I think that this part of the experiment succeeded, however. The experiment is basically a method of fine-tuning my skills in writing and speech. And from the moment I read Mark Rosewater's Topical Blend #1, I've wanted to try and write something like it. If you haven't read the Topical Blend #1, I insist that you do so. His writing is FAR better than mine (or any writer on this site, or Metagame's for that matter) and something I'm going to emulate and borrow from as I grow as a writer. Summarily, I want to better my writing. This exercise was a failure because it wasn't succinct and it was depressing/unentertaining, so I need to work on those two issues next time (think next week). Failure is merely a tool by which you unearth success. That said, the following card blows. Anything that makes you throw away that many cards and invest that much into the field has to be damned good, and Infernal Incinerator fails at that task beyond the capability of my words to describe. I'll give it a shot anyway. Some people think suck is the opposite of good. Really, the state of sucking (as far as cards go) is just the absence of any good factors. It's sorta like how most people think darkness is the opposite of light and how silence is the absence of sound. See, that's not true. It's just that darkness and silence are 0's on their particular scales. To suck is… It's like being a 0. This thing blows through suck (pardon the pun) and out the other side into negative points. This thing is so bad it makes decent cards (such as Spiritual Fire Art – Kurenai and Pot of Greed) suck. If it had Piercing, it might get a 3. That's how badly this card needs Piercing to be good. Then I could justify playing it (gasp). Ratings: -6/5 Traditional -6/5 Advanced -6/5 Limited -6/5 Draft -6/5 Solomon Draft -6/5 Continuous Draft -6/5 Rochester Draft -6/5 Casual -6/5 Golden Age -6/5 Modern Age -6/5 Silver Age -6/5 Bronze Age -6/5 Steel Age -6/5 Iron Age -6/5 Mercury Age -6/5 Platinum Age -6/5 Lead Age -6/5 Aluminum Age -6/5 Type 1 -6/5 Type 1.5 -6/5 Type 2 -6/5 Prismatic -6/5 Twin-Headed Giant -6/5 Unlimited -6/5 Modified -6/5 Legacy -6/5 Standard (yeah, I'm repeating myself) -6/5 Vintage -6/5 Extended -6/5 Online Extended -6/5 Tribal Wars -6/5 Singleton -6/5 Mirrodin Block -6/5 Urza Block -6/5 Kamigawa Block -6/5 Tempest Block -6/5 Ravnica Block 14/5 Homelands (because EVERYTHING in Homelands sucks, but this sucks more than all the rest) -6/5 Fire Deck -6/5 Soul Control -6/5 Cookie Cutter In a deck built around it… Well, I have to roll a d20 to see what it gets there. And uniquely enough, I roll a 20. How sad. That 20 could have let me go first in a tournament. -20/5 Infernal Incinerator deck The art comes in and is a successful redeeming factor to this incredibly horrible card. It achieves a great score for the card. 0/5 Art Good day.
Dark Paladin	Hello to all, and may I wish you a Happy New Year! Have you made any resolutions for this year? Anyway, this week we come back to reviewing some more Elemental Energy cards, and I hope this week is a bit better after a month or so of craptacular cards. Infernal Incinerator is our card today, and let's review, shall we? Well, it does boasts a rather respectable 2800 attack and a not so impressive 1800 defense. It also gains 200 points for each monster your opponent controls. However, this card has a lot hindering it as well. You have to tribute a monster with 2000 attack points or more to summon it. If that weren't enough, you also have to discard your entire hand, minus this card. So, you have to have at least the specific monster to tribute AND a hand and waste them both. Even if you only had 1 card in your hand, you are still doing a 2 for 1 for this guy, and he really isn't worth it. Plus, you are punished because for every other monster you control, Infernal Incinerator loses 500 points. Ratings: 1/5 all, and I do believe that is justified. Art: 3.5/5 You stay classy, Planet Earth :)
Otaku	Okay, so what’s my excuse this time? I said I was catching up, right? Well, it turns out that mice (and their nests) aren’t very conducive to phone lines. So I haven’t had internet access lately. So these are late, but here they are. Monday’s CotD is (was?) Infernal Incinerator. Cool name, lame card. This is one card I feel is best attacked using my “quickie” method, because it’s got one of those wonderful misleading effects. You see, while it is only a Level 6 Monster, it has a Summoning Restriction. So while it is a Level 6, this means that the only real meaning that comes from that is for the purpose of using Metamorphosis on it. This card can only be Normal Summoned or Set by discarding all card(s) in your hand to the Graveyard other than this card itself. But wait, there’s more! You also have to use a Monster with an ATK of 2000 or more for the Tribute requirement. Now, the first part almost sounds tolerable. After all, it would trigger Dark World Monsters, right? WRONG! It’s already been ruled: it’s a cost to Summon, and costs don’t trigger Dark World effects. You also can’t bypass the requirement: if this is the only card in your hand, no Summon for you! Okay, now that I’ve warned you about this nastiness, what about the rest of the card? Well, now that you have been “inoculated”, I’ll show you what might seduce others to use this monstrosity: 2800 ATK and 1800 DEF. The DEF is only nice in that I won’t automatically die if shifted to DEF position (they need a solid beatstick). Obviously, 2800 would be incredible if there was nothing else to this card. Even with all the garbage above, it is tempting for Fire decks, right? I mean, they have Sacred Phoenix, but it’s hard to build a Fire deck around that, since any supporting Spell/Traps in play are nuked by your own bird… too bad there’s even more to the effect. You see, while it does have a beneficial effect (each Monster on your opponent’s side of the field gives a 200 ATK increase) it is far outweighed by yet another draw back: each Monster on your side of the field, except for itself thankfully, results in a 500 ATK penalty for Infernal Incinerator. So if you have even one more Monster in play with it, it drops itself down to a Goblin Attack Force or (Summoned Skull if they have one Monster). While I am relieved this won’t be the next broken bad boy messing up the metagame, it’s really quite painful to see so much effort on such a mess. It reminds me of so many fan-made cards that start out broken, then have a bunch of restrictions slapped on to “balance” them. >_< Oh, and while Special Summoning obviously won’t trigger the hand discard or Tribute requirement… obviously that is true of higher level Monsters as well. You know, stuff with as good or better effects and stats. Ratings Traditional: 1/5 Advanced: 1/5 Limited: 1/5-So hard to get into play that it isn’t even worth it here.