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Pojo's MTG
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Peasant Magic Decks
by. B. Siems
August 29, 2006 Uno, Rakdos, Tres! Quattro, Cinco, Cinco, Seis!
As I write this, it’s Rakdos
(Red/Black) week over at wizards.com. It’s also been a
considerable while since I’ve done anything with my
beloved Turbo Commons deck. (This, however, is not that
article, although I intend to revisit version 1.0 of TC
at some point before my life’s end. It would be a shame
not to, now that both Mirage and Visions are legal in
certain MTGO formats.)
And so, despite my
continuing lack of free time (and in the name of
synchronicity and serendipity) I think it’s time to
build a new version of Turbo Commons. But first, I must
lay down the ground rules upon which it’s daddy was
built, ones which I try to adhere to whenever possible:
1) My colors of choice are
Red and Black
2) Turbo Commons will be an
aggressive weenie deck, one full of cheap creatures with
support spells. It’s philosophy is "attack with
everything you’ve got, kill whatever moves and don’t
stop fighting until ten minutes after you’re dead."
3) Stick as close to
possible as using cards with a casting cost under 3
mana.
4) Build with cards I
actually own.
5) PEZ legality is
mandatory.
For this particular version
of TC, I feel like building around the flavor of the
Rakdos guild. That means that I’m imposing one
additional limitation on myself in this deck’s
construction.
6) I’m building around the
hellbent mechanic. God help my twisted soul.
No, I don’t hate hellbent.
It’s a fun mechanic, one that just steamrolls a guy when
it’s working. However, in building a PEZ version, I’m
not exactly working with the cream of the crop. There’s
a whopping total of five hellbent cards at common:
Cackling Flames, Demon’s Jester, Gobhobbler Rats,
Slaughterhouse Bouncer and Taste for Mayhem. Of those,
three of the cards break my "nothing over 3cc" rule.
Sigh. Eh, what the hell. I’ll throw caution to the wind
and incorporate every last damn one of those cards into
this deck!
After a little thought, I’ve
come up with a little something like this...
(Standard/ Ravnica block and
Online legal. Uncommons marked with an *)
BLACK
3 Delirium Skeins
2 Demon’s Jester
1 Macabre Waltz
4 Mourning Thrull
1 Slaughterhouse Bouncer
2 Seal of Doom
RED
2 Cackling Flames
3 Kill-Suit Cultist
1 Kindle the Carnage*
4 Seal of Fire
2 Taste for Mayhem
GOLD
4 Gobhobbler Rats
4 Hellhole Rats*
2 Rakdos Ickspitter
1 Wrecking Ball
ARTIFACT
2 Rakdos Signet
LANDS
10 Mountains
10 Swamps
2 Rakdos Carnarium
SIDEBOARD
2 Cackling Flames (extras,
just in case)
1 Delirium Skeins (ditto)
1 Disembowel (more
creaturekill)
2 Nettling Curse (for
critters the Flames and Seals can’t drop)
2 Seal of Doom (more extras)
2 Shred Memory
(anti-graveyard with bonus tutoring)
2 Smash (artifact kill)
3 Wrecking Ball (still more
creature/landkill)
I’m not sure how much
explanation the deck needs, but that’s never stopped me
before. Breaking it down, then.
Anyone who’s played Rakdos
decks should be familiar with Rule Number One: Cast
everything right freakin’ now! Most of the deck consists
of 1-3 mana cards, so you should have little problem
playing threats on a consistent basis.
We have all kinds of way to
enable hellbent. Delirium Skeins gives a touch of
discard, in the vain hope that it’s enough to slow down
your opponent. The Seals give the deck access to Shock
and Dark Banishing while getting your hand emptied. If
you’re forces are outnumbered and outgunned, Kindle the
Carnage will nuke the battlefield.
At some point you’ll arrive
at Discard Nirvana. Once there, the hellbent cards kick
in. Demon’s Jesters and Gobhobbler Rats be all up in
there! Cackling Flames can gun down really big game!
Taste for Mayhem make your critters look like Barry
Bonds before the random drug tests! And Slaughterhouse
Bouncer still sucks more than Paris Hilton! (Prettier,
too.)
Macabre Waltz is here, just
in case you’re a little too aggressive in throwing away
your own cards. TC Rakdos Edition also has a mini-rat
theme going on. In addition to Gobhobbler, we have
Hellhole Rats, an uncommon which can both Duress/Bolt
your opponent. (Or help enable hellbent, at a cost.)
Finally, mana. Two Rakdos Signet and a pair of Rakdos
Carnariums help speed up the mana. (And if you’re that
worried about the Carnariums screwing up your hellbent,
then chuck ‘em to the Skeins.)
And now I feel complete.
Send feedback to me at
whatever@hcinet.net.
Until then, I remain...
B. Siems
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