I present to you, well...this. But hey, at least it’s Peasant legal.

 

CLEVELAND, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK!

 

*Lead vocals: 1 Vulshok Berserker (Korn’s Jonathan Davis. If you ain’t playin’ PEZ, use Eron the Relentless (a.k.a Axel Rose) instead.)

Backup singers: 1 Elvish Impersonators

Guitar: 1 Phyrexian Reaper (James Hetfield)

Second guitar: 1 Gruul Scrapper (Since I couldn’t think of a card to represent Tom Morello, we’ll have to go with the Zach De La Rocha look alike instead.

Bass guitar: 1 Devout Harpist (Paz Lenchantin.)

Drums: 1 Deepwood Drummer (Mickey Hart.)

Opening Act: 1 Clam Session (The Bad Plus. All of ‘em.)

 

Fans and groupies:

1 Little Girl

1 Kris Mage (Mmmm, blondes...)

1 Deadhead

1 Red Hot Hottie (Mmmm, stacked....)

1 Mogg Fanatic

1 Cuombajj Witches (Mmmm, twins...)

 

Support Staff:

2 Standing Army (for security.)

2 Spineless Thug and 3 Thallids (all of whom are roadies.)

 

The show:

4 Land Aid ‘04 (At this point, I feel I need to share a story that a net-friend once told me about a U2 concert. The band is performing "One." The Edge is in the middle of the guitar solo when Bono starts clapping his hands in rhythm and says "Every time I clap, a child in Africa dies," at which point some wag in the audience screams out "Then stop clapping yer f%#^ing hands!" True story, maybe.)

1 Sex Appeal

1 Pyrotechnics (Part of the stage show.)

2 Number Crunch (The accountants are frustrated. "Who’s going to pay for all of this?")

*1 Urza’s Hot Tub (for the afterparty. Hello ladies!)

2 Lava Axe (for Paz and Zach. Hetfield brought his own. (Those of you who’ve never seen the illustration for Phyrexian Reaper won’t get that.)

2 Scorching Missile (more pyrotechnics)

3 Awol ("And I needed to find 500 brown M&M’s to fill a brandy glass or else Ozzy wouldn’t go onstage...")

 

On the road:

*4 Rhystic Caves

7 Forests

3 Swamps

4 Plains

4 Mountains

2 Izzet Boilerworks

 

Don’t blame me. I just produce their records. ;)