If you are a long time reader of this site, you may recall my series of articles about a deck called "Turbo Commons." (Conveniently located in the red/black section of Pojo’s Peasant Magic database, natch.) I’ve played the deck in a number of different variations over the last decade, but every version of Turbo Commons has been an aggressive black/red Peasant Magic deck full of creatures and support spells, none of which have a casting cost above three mana.

 

You may also recall that in the sixth and last of these articles, I swore off making a seventh version of the deck. Never again would I make another iteration of the damned thing!

 

Well...

 

In my defense, it was strictly by accident. See, about a month and a half ago, I purchased a small collection of what I thought were assorted Magic cards at the local department store (whose name may rhyme with "Target") for about thirty bucks. When I got home and cracked it opened, I discovered that I had actually purchased four pre-constructed decks (minus their original packaging), one of which was the Innistrad pre-con "Carnival of Blood."

 

"Carnival" is a red/black vampire deck, and a fun one at that. But like all pre-cons, there’s always room for improvement. In this case, there were a few vampires with a higher casting cost than I liked, so I decided to replace them with faster and cheaper bloodsuckers. One thing led to another, and before I realized it, I had me a PEZ deck with a theme.

 

Turbo Vamps (a.k.a. Turbo Commons Version 7.0)

(Standard legal, mostly Peasant Magic format. Uncommons marked with an asterisk, rares with two.)

 

BLACK VAMPIRES

1 Bloodflow Connoisseur

4 Bloodthrone Vampire

2 Markov Patrician

4 Vampire Interloper

 

RED VAMPIRES

4 Bloodcrazed Neonate

2 Crossway Vampire (I always start humming Jimi Hendrix songs whenever I type this. Go figure.)

1 Falkenrath Exterminator*

2 Rakish Heir*

 

BLACK SPELLS

4 Duress

1 Essence Harvest ("I vant to suck your blood!" "Ooh! Kinky!")

1 Gravepurge

2 Murder

1 Night Terrors

1 Tribute to Hunger* ("I have alvays vanted to suck you, my sweet." "Uh...")

 

RED SPELLS

1 Rush of Blood* ("I vant you to moan my name vhen I suck you!" "Now hold on, buddy...")

4 Thunderbolt

1 Traitorous Blood ("Oh baby, vas it good for you?")

2 Vampiric Fury

 

LANDS

8 Mountain

4 Rakdos Guildgate

10 Swamp

 

SIDEBOARD

2 Auger Spree

3 Cower in Fear*

1 Curse of Stalked Prey**

2 Electrickery

1 Explosive Impact

2 Murder

4 Smelt

 

So let’s break it down: Not only is "Turbo Vamps" a PEZ deck, it’s also Standard compliant as of this writing. (Innistrad block, Return to Ravnica and Magic 2013.) The game plan for the deck is pretty simple: beat down for the win with an army of cheap and fast bloodsuckers while clearing the field of threats cast by your opponent.

 

So, how do we do the first part? The Bloodcrazed Neonates are a 2/1 that must attack each turn if able, but they get a +1/+1 counter when they deal combat damage to a player. (This means they have to actually attack and smack your opponent the fair and honest way to get the bonus. No Lightning Prowess here!) The 2/2 Rakish Heirs gives every vampire in play the same ability, and the Falkenrath Exterminator also has the same ability, with the additional ability to ping a creature for damage equal to the number of +1/+1 counters on him.

 

But it gets better! Both the Bloodflow Connoisseur and the Bloodthrone Vampires can sacrifice creatures for +/+ counters. (+1/+1 and +2/+2, respectively.) The Vampire Interlopers are 2/1 flyers that can’t block, but it combos well with a Rakish Heir in play. The 3/1 Markov Patricians have lifelink, but you won’t be worried too much about gaining life as long as you’re dishing out pain. And Crossway Vampire is a 3/2 that stops a target creature from blocking when she hits the field.

 

As far as clearing the field, the pair of Murders keeps nuisances out of the way of your bloodlusting critters, as does the lone Tribute to Hunger, which also offers you a boost in life as an extra perk. Essence Harvest, a mini-Drain Life/Consume Spirit, also allows you to drain-and-gain for an amount equal to the highest power among creatures you control.

 

The deck packs four copies of Duress and a Night Terrors to take out pesky spells our opponent is hoarding in his/her hand. Now I know you’re thinking "How does Duress fit the vampire theme?" You’d be under duress, too, if you were up to your pits in vamps!

 

In a similar vein (pun definitely intended), some of you may also question the inclusion of Thunderbolt. Hell, what can I say? It’s always a dark and stormy night in Transylvania. (But if you’re really concerned about hitting non-flyers, you have my permission to replace the Bolts with Searing Spear. *sigh*)

 

Vampiric Fury (+2/+0 and first strike to all vampires until the end of the turn) and Rush of Blood (a +X/+0 bonus to a lone critter equal to it’s power) provides the offensive punch you need to break on through for a victory dance in the end zone. I will concede that even with all of the pump, the creatures in this deck are on the small side. That’s why the deck includes a copy of Traitorous Blood. Steal your foe’s favorite slab of beef with impunity!

 

And what if all of this still isn’t enough to secure victory? Well, you have a Gravepurge to resurrect your vampires from the graveyard. After all, vampires are just as undead as zombies...

 

On the matter of the sideboard, I’ll just straight up admit that not only is it not Peasant legal, it doesn’t necessarily stick to my "nothing over three mana" rule. C’est la vie. In addition to the two extra Murders, Auger Spree provide more creaturekill, ‘cause even vamps sometimes need help. Cower in Fear (which one tends to do around vampires) and Electrickery (more of that Transylvanian inclement weather) provide us with mass creaturekill. The Explosive Impact, while way overcosted and totally not in theme, is here in case we need to kill really big game. The Curse of Stalked Prey is in theme, however. I have no real reason to stick it in the sideboard other than if I included it in my main deck, it’s no longer PEZ worthy. (Uh, I do sideboard it in when I’m winning big, though, just to rub it in my opponent’s face. Sportsmanship? Who’s he?) And finally, four Smelts provide defense against artifacts, because you just never know.

 

And that right there is what we call "a wrap." Now get out there and kick Team Jacob’s ass! Until next time, I remain...

 

B.Siems

 

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