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From: Ryan . <blueyoshi2187@hotmail.com>
Date: Aug 17, 2005 2:46 AM
Subject: BattyMan's The Top Ten Cards From the Next (Currently Unreleased) Set


One of the greatest aspects of Yu-Gi-Oh is how it's constantly changing.
Unlike most hobbies Yu-Gi-Oh keeps adding to the game, every pack released
is a doorway to completely new deck types and new ways to play. Ways to not
only change and improve existing strategies but create better entirely new
ones. Each set holds the possibility of allowing you to make innovations
never before seen in the game of Yu-Gi-Oh! Who knows what wondrous
opportunities each new set of cards will hold for you, maybe you could
create the next big deck type! That is to say you could create new decks
and strategies if you got the cards first, but since Japan gets them way
before us pretty much anything you come up with will have been done already.
And even with the all these new cards and possibilities people are simply
going to revert to Chaos, a deck type still dominant after six new card
sets.

So yeah.

What I'm trying to say is that duelists get excited about new packs, at
least until they try the cards out and realize the new stuff isn't going to
change the game at all. None the less, we all want to know what's coming
and we don't want to wait until the release date. So I decided to help you
guys out. Using my keen skills of deduction I am able to figure out what
cards are going to be in the next pack. That's right, by merely buying
packs in the past I can tell you the top ten cards from the next (currently
unreleased) set. Sure, I may not have interviewed any Upper Deck employees
or have done any real "research" to make this list. And I admit most of my
information can be attributed to nothing more than ridiculous assumptions
and flat-out lies. But you can either read this top ten list or the one
written by the pre-teen explaining why Obelisk the Tormentor is the fourth
best card ever made. Still here? Yeah, that's what I thought.

-The Top Ten Cards From the Next (Currently Unreleased) Set-

-10-
Gimmicky New Effect Monster Subtype
ATK 1400/DEF 1500
4 Stars
Light - Fairy - Toon/Union/Spirit/Level/etc.
This card belongs to a new class of effect monsters. This card, like others
of its type, has the ability to appear inventive until tested in an actual
duel. Afterwards the player will realize that this new type of monster is
difficult to use and possesses few redeeming qualities. The basic mechanics
in game of Yu-Gi-Oh simply will not allow for these kinds of monsters to do
well. Even among duels with friends using fun decks these cards will seem
weak. Who am I kidding, even that kid at the card shop that "never quite
got the hang of tribute summoning" is going to laugh at you if you use these
cards. We knew these card types were just a gimmick when we made them but
we're not about to let that get in the way of taking your money.

-9-
Inferior Version of an Existing Card
Trap
These cards cause the duelist to really wonder if Konami even remembers the
cards they've made. Royal Surrender for example, a trap that destroys
continuous trap cards. That's an entire one sixth of the spell/traps types
that dust tornado can target. Just wait until our next set when we release
cards that can only attack ritual monsters.

-8-
Slightly Above Average Monster Made Horrible Due to Needlessly Difficult
Summoning Process
ATK 2900/DRF 2500
8 Stars
Earth – Beast - Effect
This card cannot be normal summoned or set. This card cannot be special
summoned from the graveyard. In order to summon this card you must activate
multiple spell cards, sacrifice numerous monsters, and go through a process
comparable to getting all the Exodia pieces in your hands while summoning
Gate Guardian. And even though the effect of this monster is good it
definitely isn't worth the effort. When this card is summoned to the field
your opponent's Snatch Steal is sent immediately from their deck to their
hand. If your opponent doesn't have a Snatch Steal give him a Creature
Swap. If neither card is available get a piece of paper and draw a picture
of a cat on it. Then write on the top "Mind Snatch Kitty" or "Feline of
Taking Your Monster Now" or something like that. Use the card as permanent
change of heart and give it to your opponent. While your opponent attacks
you with this card take time to reflect on why you should never use monsters
like XYZ Dragon Cannon or Spirit of the Pharaoh.

-7-
Support for a New Sub-Par Deck Type
Spell
Once activated this card will make you reminiscent of the days when Konami
strove to make at least one memorable deck in each new card set. Back when
your opponent picking up their graveyard didn't filll you with a feeling of
dread. Now you get decks that seem they were made specifically to be used
in duels purely for fun. We know that's bad but we'll make up for it by
creating a weaker version of a banned card and slap some kind of cost on it.
You guys love that stuff.

-6-
Lackluster Support for Existing Sub-Par Deck Type
Spell – Field
Remember the X Y Z monsters? You don't…Well how about Harpies? You know,
that horrible deck based around a monster with a 13 hundred attack. Don't
get too excited but we've decided to give it some support cards! Wait,
don't stop reading. Please, just hear me out. This card increases the
attack of ALL Harpie cards on the field…by…200…..I'm sorry for wasting your
time. You can go ahead and throw this in the shoebox. Once again I just
want to apologize.

-5-
Card Thought to be the Next Great Monster Until People Actually Play It and
Then Go Back to Black Luster Soldier
ATK 2500/ DEF 1700
7 Stars
Water – Aqua - Effect
When this card is released it is placed into the deck of most Yu-Gi-Oh
players. After the hype wears off and people actually use this card it will
slowly disappear from duels. This card is then immediately summoned to the
front page of your binder or on EBay before everyone else realizes that
merely being on the front of a pack does not make a card good. The duelist
must also prepare for the anger he will feel when this card is released as a
rare less then a year from now.

-4-
Terrible Rare Made Into Terrible Ultimate
ATK 1200/DEF 600
4 Stars
Dark – Fiend - Effect
Once found inside a pack this very rare card will excite the duelist until
he actually looks closely at the card and realizes that he just found the
Yu-Gi-Oh equivalent of a…We'll, it's kind of like when your cat throws up
and it looks like big gold nugget and you think you got really lucky and you
have one of those cats that make gold. Like those geese that lay golden
eggs, except it's a hairball. But then you realize it's a normal,
yellowish, hairball and that you just stepped in it. That's somewhat the
feeling you get when you see this kind of card. (Feel free to email me
better analogies at BlueYoshi2187@hotmail.com ) This card might be good if
you meet someone who enjoys sparkly cards enough to increase a bad card's
value by 2000%. Of course if you meet someone with such an obvious lack of
knowledge concerning monetary value I suggest trying to buy their car off
them with some beads and shiny rocks.

-3-
Final Level for a set of Level Monsters No One Cared About In the First
Place
ATK 2600/ DEF2600
7 Stars
Wind - Insect - Level
This card cannot be normal summoned or set. This card cannot be released
until at least a pack after its previous levels in an attempt to hype the
upcoming set. But by that time nobody is going to care about the last level
in an awful group of monsters. Sure, this card may be horrible, and the
effect might not be worth going through two other level monsters (and we do
apologize for that). But when you can't find a normal bookmark, or when you
need to pick off some crud from underneath your toenails, or if you want to
make a misshapen barely aerodynamic paper airplane this is what you're going
to reach for. And for that we do not apologize.

-2-
Card Made to Counter a Deck Type That Nobody Plays
Spell - Equip
This card can equip to warriors and reduce the attack of all water monsters
on the field. If you don't like that effect this card can be a monster that
destroys fiends in battle regardless of their attack. If that doesn't do it
for you how about taking control of your opponent's dragon monster for one
turn. Pick whatever you want. Everyone reading who thinks those effects
stink can skip to the next card. For those of you actually excited about
this card here's a tiny letter K to play with: "K"

-1-
Card That Has an Effect Similar to/Sounds Suspiciously Like/Involves a Good
Older Card-but is in Fact Horrible
Spell
When pulled from a pack this card causes the duelist to associate it with a
good, often times banned, card. Unfortunately the playability is not one of
the things they have in common. Some people may think we didn't need to
release three cards that specifically involve Pot of Greed somehow. But I
say that isn't nearly enough. Do you people realize how many cards we've
made? We're bound to run out of names and effects eventually. Especially
when we're giving cards elaborate titles like "Orca Mega Fortress of
Darkness" or "Black Luster Soldier - Envoy of the Beginning". Recycling old
cards is a great way to not only solve our creativity problem but also hype
a pack. It's a win win situation. Unless you're the one buying the pack
the card comes in, than it's more like lose lose. Try not to let it bother
you though. The important thing is we're making money.


Ok, maybe I exaggerated a little bit with some of the card effects, so what?
For the most part this list is right on the money. These cards won't all
be in the same set but they will all be seen in new sets over time. I just
hope that knowing what to expect in new packs will help to cushion the
feeling of disappointment when you open them up and find out this set is
just as useless as the last one. Instead you can focus on the sorrow of
spending four dollars to get a rare worth fifty cents.



This is BattyMan saying remember to keep these three rules in mind when
sending me hatemail:
1 Take everything way to seriously
2 If I make fun of a card you like put "you're just jealous" somewhere in
your email
3 Use run on sentences! If you can't do that insert out of place
punctuation marks randomly throughout the email.
Follow those simple rules and you can get ignored by me in no time. And
remember, the Caps Lock key is there for a reason.


Email me at BlueYoshi2187@hotmail.com if you liked the article.