From: Ryan [mailto:BlueYoshi2187@hotmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, March 16, 2006 11:18 PM

“Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) *

Expect injury when you meet a player at your local tournament wearing a duel disk. You will unfortunately be hit in the eye with one of the sharp corners and have to wear an eye patch for the next two weeks. Multiple people will inquire as to how you injured your eye, and after you explain how it happened every single one of them will laugh at you.”

Duelists are a unique group of people, we like our cards small, our dragons white, and our various pots and jars to have faces on them. It’s no wonder the average daily horoscope can’t cater to such a distinctive group of people. I know I’m not the only one who’s read my horoscope and immediately knew it didn’t have any bearing on my life as a card player. That’s why I decided to make my own horoscope, a horoscope for duelists. Now you can finally stop dealing with ambiguous phrases like “Knowing what to do could possibly make a difference in the outcome of certain situations.” and start getting info that’s relevant to you!

Like most other horoscopes this one will have a rating system to let you know how good your day will be:

* 1 Star- Bad

** 2 Stars- So-So

*** 3 Stars- Slips under Gravity Bind

**** 4 Stars- Good

***** 5 Stars- Probably not worth using unless it’s Cyber Dragon

Aries (March 21-April 19) ***

After getting completely fed up with unoriginality you decide to build a dragon deck today. A week of testing and tweaking is put into the deck before you finally enter it into a tournament and immediately get knocked out by an eight year old using Dragon Capture Jar.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) ****

If you’ve been staying away from tournament dueling because your sub-standard math skills prevent you from finding the difference between two monster’s attack points than now is the perfect time to start playing. Thanks to the current trend of having three Sakuretsu Armors, three Smashing Grounds, three Bottomless Trap Holes/Trap holes, and three Widespread Ruins in every deck, monster battles have finally been completely phased out of dueling.

Gemini (May 21- June 20) **

Your weeks of trading to get the nine cards needed for three complete Horus the Black Flame Dragon sets finally ends today when you obtain your last LV6, coincidently, today is also the day you discover that the next upcoming starter deck is to be named “Fire Starter Deck Number Two: Nothin’ but Horus Edition”.

Cancer (June 21-July 22) *****

While reading a tip card from your Dark Beginning 2 pack about bad sportsmanship you will be surprised to learn that Konami decided to use you as a specific example.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) *

Expect injury when you meet a player at your local tournament wearing a duel disk. You will unfortunately be hit in the eye with one of the sharp corners and have to wear an eye patch for the next two weeks. Multiple people will inquire as to how you injured your eye, and after you explain how it happened every single one of them will laugh at you.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) ****

You’re fast becoming well known around your local tournament scene as the guy everyone’s afraid to duel. A large part of this will be due to your violent temper and various concealed weapons.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) ***

After viewing an episode of the Yu-Gi-Oh GX cartoon show you will be overcome with the urge to talk to your deck and your individual cards while playing in local tournaments. Showering and applying deodorant prior to entering tournaments is now optional since everyone is going to be avoiding you anyway.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) *****

It may be months before you finally live down wearing a duel disk to a tournament but nailing that one loser right in the eye made it totally worth it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22- Dec.21) ***

Expect some disappointment today when you are deprived the righteous motivation needed to win the Yu-Gi-Oh World Championship due to the failure of your family to get captured by evil shadow duelists.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) ****

-If you visit the Pojo message board you will start a thread consisting of a thought out, well-written, article analyzing subtle intricacies of the game. Soon after that someone will start a thread directly above yours showing a bad deck and get four times as many responses as you, all of which are people telling him that he posted in the wrong forum.

-If you aren’t a member of the Pojo forums than that previous joke probably won’t mean as much to you. THE STARS FORESEE IT!

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) **

Seeing a girl participating in the same tournament as you finally gives you a chance to disprove the stigma that dueling and dating don’t mix. Tripping over nothing on your way over to her and knocking a table onto its side, however, will effectively remind you of the real reason why you don’t have a girlfriend.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) ****

Most of your time trading will be spent trying to get the new Sacred Beast cards because you think you can use them to totally rip of little kids and take their Cyber Dragons/D.D. Assailants; never realizing that little kids with binders full of Cyber Dragons don’t really exist and the only people actually trying to get the Sacred Beasts are guys like you.

If today is your birthday:

During your surprise party today you’ll be blowing the candles out on a child’s Yu-Gi-Oh birthday cake because your friends all think that they’re hilarious comedians.

I hope that while you read your horoscope you took it upon yourself to ignore how illogical horoscopes actually are. There’s the fact that (and this is just of the top of my head) horoscopes claim there are only have 12 different ways to live life each day, so what about babies? Obviously an infant won’t be able to do any of the things listed in horoscopes, no matter what their sign is. But I guess there could be a separate baby horoscope that just never gets published because most babies can’t read very well. The astrologist would probably use adorable little mini-stars to see the baby future. But even if there were baby horoscopes there’d only be a handful of predictions to choose from:

- Lay on stomach all day

- Lay on back all day

- Cry for no real particular reason

- Vomit a bit more than usual

- Fall down stairs (This one probably wouldn’t get used too much)

So remember while reading horoscopes that it’s important not to think too much about how they work or why you should believe them, otherwise, you might start thinking about babies falling down stairs-I mean how horoscopes don’t really make any sense. And if you did read this while thinking rationally than I encourage you to go back and read it again, but this time try turning your brain off just a little bit. In fact, do that whenever you read anything of mine.

Email me at BlueYoshi2187@hotmail.com if you liked the Horoscope.

This is BattyMan saying: Remember, if you ever read a horoscope and the prediction doesn’t come true than it doesn’t mean the horoscope is wrong it just means you don’t have a soul.