SCENE 006
Location: Tokyo, Japan

Night. Four giant robots cause havoc around the city. Badly dubbed citizens scurry in panic. Suddenly, a light erupts from the middle of town. A larger robot, much more cool looking and powerful than the four villains could ever hope to be, emerges.

ACE OF SPADES:
The Quadumvirate of evil! I should have known it would be you!

The pilots of the four villainous robots appear on Ace’s view screen.

DEATHJESTER:
You cannot defeat the four of us! Super Destructor Scythe!

SNAPPER:
You shall fall before our might! Catastrophe Snapping Claws!

NAPAY:
Your death is assured! Dark Vengeance Crusher!

RYOGA:
[smugly] There’s nowhere to hide, Ace! [maniacal laughter!]

Ace’s shining robot withdraws a large weapon and fires a giant laser at Deathjester’s lanky, clown-like robot. His scythe clatters to the ground and it explodes.

SNAPPER:
You’ll pay for that!

Snapper’s horned and spiked mech attempts to latch on to Ace’s robot. The crest on AceBot’s head lights up, and Snapper’s robot is electrocuted and destroyed.

NAPAY:
You won’t get away with that!

Napay’s towering robot smashes it’s bulky fist onto Ace’s robot. All seems lost until the fist explodes, as Ace’s robot jumps up and plunges it’s giant sword into the robot’s power center, destroying it.

RYOGA:
You’ll never defeat me!

RyogaBot withdraws it’s own giant sword and the two remaining robots fight, swords spinning as the populace looks on in horror. All of a sudden, AceBot’s hand begins to glow.

ACE OF SPADES:
This hand of mine is burning red! It tells me to defeat you! SHIIINNNNIIINGGG FINGAAA!*

Ryoga collapses as Ace relishes his victory. All in a days work, ma’am.
 

Yes, I’m quite aware that I already did this with Starter Decks. Yours truly is not above ripping himself off.

A week ago, my most trusted agents infiltrated Konami and UDE buildings in search of new info from the future. We were within inches of discovering their secrets until the security guard told us that we weren’t allowed in the building.

Bruised and defeated, we skulked away to the local Denny’s wherein Operative Janson came running up to us, then threw down pictures of concepts for Yugioh Booster Sets. Naturally, we couldn’t keep this to ourselves, so we thought we’d expose them to the world by way of niche Internet column.

So here we go. Many Bothans died to bring us this information, so you’d better appreciate it.**

Booster Series: Warriors of Legend

This set contained several new cards supporting warriors. We found several innovative cards.

WOL-046 BATTLEFIELD GLORY
Quick-Play Spell
Activate when a Warrior-type monster destroys an opponent’s monster as a result of battle. Search your deck for any Warrior-type monster and Special Summon it to the field.

WOL-008 GRIMMA THE SLAYER
Dark/Warrior/Effect ****
ATK 1900/DEF 1500
Effect: Raise this monster’s attack by 100 for every Warrior-type monster in your graveyard. This monster cannot be destroyed by Trap cards.

We can’t really understand the reason this set was held back. I mean, look at how little support Warriors have these days: Marauding Captain, Freed the Matchless General, The A Forces, Reinforcement of the Army, The Warrior Returning Alive, Don Zaloog, Dark Blade, D.D. Warrior Lady, Freed the Brave Warrior, Black Luster Soldier – Envoy of the Beginning, Mataza the Zapper, Mystic Swordsman, Ninja Grandmaster Sasuke, Silent Swordsman, Gearfried the Swordmaster, Armed Samurai - Ben Kei, D.D. Survivor, Fusion Sword Murasame Blade and Command Knight.

I don’t get it. I just don’t get it.

Booster Series: United Skull Servant Revolution

I could see this one being a big hit among fans of the little guy.

USSR-031 Skull Servant Apocalypse
Trap Card
For every “Skull Servant” on your side of the field, your opponent loses the duel.

USSR-019 Skull Dictator
Dark/Zombie/Effect *****
ATK 2100/DEF 1400
Effect: Switch control of all of your opponent’s DARK monsters to you.

What’s not to like?

Booster Series: Peasant Uprising

This set was set for release shortly after Invasion of Chaos. I could see it selling well.

PUP-001 Useless Monster
Fire/Fish *
ATK 250/DEF 250
“This monster has never been used, and never will be…”

PUP-002 Also a Useless Monster
Fire/Fish *
ATK 250/DEF 250
“Not even in a fusion…”

PUP-002 Another Useless Monster
Fire/Fish *
ATK 250/DEF 250
“Nope, there will never be support…”

PUP-004 Yet Another Useless Monster
Fire/Fish *
ATK 250/DEF 250
“But you’ll still by the set”

PUP-005 Useless Monster Again
Fire/Fish *
ATK 250/DEF 250
“Because you’re a loyal (read: stupid) customer”

PUP-006 Totally Not A Useless Monster
Fire/Fish *
ATK 250/DEF 250
“Psyche!”

Booster Series: Unearthed Arcana***

This set is interesting, even though it’s a reprint set. However, some of the cards have new effects or different text. Why, they’ve even combined some cards!

UAR-001 Pot of Greed, Graceful Charity and Delinquent Duo
Spell
Substitute for skill or strategy at any time in the duel. You win the duel.

UAR-022 Sand Stone
Earth/Rock *****
“Play this monster and you totally win the game.”

UAR–036 Chaos Emperor Dragon - Envoy of the End
Dark/Dragon/Effect ********
ATK 3000/DEF 2500
Thsi card cna only be Spceial Summoned by removing 1 LIGHT and 1 DARK monster in your Grvaeyard from paly. Pay 0001 of your Life Points to send all cards in booger both players' hands and on the field to the Grvaeyard. Inliftc 030 points of damage to your opponants Life Pionts for ecah card that is sent to the Grvaeyard by this effffffffffffffffffffffect.

Actually, it could be considered offensive to some and hilarious to others.

Booster Series: Pojo Revolution

I didn’t even know that UDE or Konami knew of Pojo or wanted to market a line of cards based off of it.

PRV-001 Pojo-Sama, Ruler of Internet Heaven
Light/Fairy/Effect **********
ATK 9999/DEF 9999
Effect: As long as this card is on the field, your LP cannot change due to battle or an opponent’s card effect. Also, the opponent may not alter your field in any way as long as this card is on the field.

PRV-003 Lord Tranorix
Dark/Warrior/Effect ****
ATK Rentsy/DEF Rentsy
Effect: Think of the biggest number you can imagine and write it down. This monster’s ATK and DEF are both equal to that number.

PRV-009 Ex-Minion of Darkness
Dark/Fiend/Effect *****
ATK 2600/DEF 1900
Effect: Pull out your rulebook and make up a loophole. Then search your opponent’s deck for any card and add it to your binder. If the opponent protests, then call over a judge and accuse your opponent of cheating.

PRV-015 Coin Flip
Light/Spellcaster/Effect ****
ATK 1900/DEF 1900
Effect: Be awesome.

PRV-028 When Cards Collide
Normal Spell
Rearrange the field in any way you want using cards from either player’s deck. Then challenge your opponent to beat you now.

PRV-059 Ace of Spades
Dark/Warrior/Effect **
ATK 300/ DEF 600
Effect: Go read his column, no matter how bad it may be.

Quite an interesting set. It’s a shame it’ll never be put into production.

Booster Series: Overlooked Monstrosities

Naturally, this set would contain loads of support for under-used cards and types. Sea Serpents, Insects and Dinosaurs would be the order of the day.

OMS-004 D.D. Megaraptor
Earth/Dinosaur/Effect ****
ATK 1700/DEF 1000
Effect: This monster may not be removed from the game by an opponent’s card effect. If the card is sent to the graveyard, return it to your hand after two turns.

OMS-009 Ultimate Kraken
Water/Sea Serpent/Effect *****
ATK 2400/DEF 1900
Effect: This monster may attack twice if it is the only monster on your side of the field.

OMS-022 Gigantic Mosquito
Wind/Insect/Effect ****
ATK 1900/DEF 1200
Effect: As long as this card remains on the field, when an Insect-type monster attacks a Defense-mode monster, deal damage equal to the difference between the attacking monster’s ATK and the defending monster’s DEF.

OMS-038 Great Wave
Trap Card
Activate this card when the opponent summons a monster (including through a special summon). If there is a Water monster on your side of the field, destroy the opponent’s summoned monster.

OMS-051 Microscopic Contagion
Equip Spell Card
This card can only be equipped to an Insect-type monster. If the equipped monster is destroyed as a result of battle, decrease the opponent’s attacking monster’s ATK and DEF scores to 0.

Strangely enough, there was a large “DENIED” stamp across the entire set spoiler. I can’t imagine why Konami didn’t like the set, but I suppose it was for the best that it wasn’t released.


And there you have it. The latest set of mediocre, incoherent nonsense I try to pass off as a web column.

Konami secret agents should be moving in on my house at any moment, so I have to get going and-

EDITOR’S NOTE: We have no idea what happened to Ace at this point, but our experts believe that he is currently at the UDE-sponsored correctional facility never to see the light of day again. For your benefit, we cobbled together a quick ending from… somewhere…

-ace of spades, OLOL moer liek ace of STUPID, m i rite? Omglolkthxby

lol, ace can be - talked to at ctrlaceofspades@gmail.com


hay guyz, now you can raed ab0ut ace’s z@ny lief at hisbl0g. chek it out: http://ctrlaceofspades.blogspot.com/

* Okay, you know the drill, tell me to anime, win points.
** This is an easy one, guys.
***And the third reference to catch. Gotta catch em’ all?

Ace can be contacted at ctrlaceofspades@gmail.com

Hey kids, now you can read about Ace’s zany life at his web journal thing. Linkage: http://ctrlaceofspades.blogspot.com/

*With apologies to Team Rocket and my co-workers.

**Geez, I shouldn’t even offer this reference for points. I’m way to generous with you people.

***Which classic PSX platformer am I babbling about? Prove your worth as a gamer and tell me the answer for it is worth four points.